


Knowing You Hurts Worse (Septiplier)

by pascal889



Category: Youtubers, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Septiplier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 22:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7194341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pascal889/pseuds/pascal889
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I gave up everything for you!" Jack said tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He moved away from Mark's grip to turn away from the faux redhead. </p>
<p>Disclaimer: This story is not true. This does not depict the actual feelings of the characters mentioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chance Meeting

Jack pushed his way to the bar where he looked for an open seat. He noticed that there was only one left open and quickly made his way over to it. He was about to ask, the people sitting in the seats next to the open one, if it was okay for him to sit down, but at that time almost everyone at the bar decided to get up and head for the dance floor. He simply shrugged it off and sat down on the stool in front of him. 

“What’s your poison tonight?” The bartender asked walking up to Jack. He scanned the shelf behind her for the alcohol choices.

“Whiskey on the rocks please.” Jack decided after a moment of silence. The bartender turned and started on his drink with a small smile. It didn’t take long for the drink to be set in front of him, so Jack took a long, slow sip from the cool glass.

“Is this seat taken?” A man’s voice shocked Jack slightly, but he turned to see a man slightly taller than him motioning to the seat in front of him. Jack shook his head taking another quick sip from his cup. 

“My name’s Mark.” The man said hopping up onto the bar stool. He smiled at Jack hoping to continue the conversation. His brown eyes looked straight into the younger’s blue eyes through glasses that fit Mark’s face almost perfectly. 

“The name’s Sean, but for some reason my friends call me Jack.” The Irishman said downing what was left in his glass. Mark’s face contorted with confusion, “What?” Jack asked seeming just as confused.

“It’s just... I don’t know...” Mark paused to order his drink, “It just doesn’t seem like Jack is short for Sean.” 

“After my friends heard my mom call me that, it just stuck. I think they think Jack is easier to say.” Jack said causing the two to start laughing lightly. The bartender came and placed a beer in front of both of them which caused Jack to look at her confused. 

“Figured you could use a new drink.” Mark smirked at Jack before they clinked their bottles together, “I have to ask though, where are you from? I can’t get over your accent.” Jack took a quick sip from his beer before answering.

“I’m from Ireland. I’m visiting for my holiday.” Jack said turning toward the other to better engage in conversation. Mark did the same taking a long drink from his beer. The two men ended up drinking and talking for a couple hours. They both drank about 5 beers and were starting feel quite drunk. They were really enjoying each other’s company, and Mark was really starting to flirt with the younger man. 

“I don’t think that’s how you say that word.” Jack slurred starting to laugh harder than he was earlier, and he sipped at the end of his fifth beer.

“I swear it’s ‘roum’. You’re the one that’s wrong.” Mark said trying to pout, but it didn’t last long because soon he was laughing just as hard as Jack. He was laughing so hard that he leaned forward and placed a hand on Jack’s knee. Jack’s smile faded as he placed a hand on his stomach feeling an all too familiar sensation.

“Ugh. I’m not doing so hot.” Jack said realizing he’s going to be feeling this in the morning. He groaned slightly as the pain increased with sharp bursts in his lower abdomen. Worrying for Jack, Mark’s smile faded slightly and turned to slight concern. They both threw enough cash on the counter to cover their drinks since they realized neither of them could drink anymore.

“Maybe… *hic*… Maybe we should go to my apartment since it’s close.” Mark said grabbing and pulling Jack out of the bar before he could protest.  
“It would probably be *hic* nice to get sick in my bathroom instead of the crappy public one in the bar.” Mark said after they got outside. He continued to drag the younger one down the narrow sidewalk at a fast pace. They walked in silence mostly because Jack was too focused on not tripping over his own feet to talk. Mark shot Jack a reassuring smile that made the brunette smile ear to ear and melt slightly inside. 

It didn’t take long for them to stop in front of an old apartment building. Mark let go of the other’s arm to fiddle with his keys. Jack sighed lightly feeling a bit better being outside. It didn’t take long to get inside the building, and Jack had no choice but to follow Mark up the short flight of stairs. When in the actual apartment, Jack simply stood in the doorway as Mark ran off to what seemed like the bedroom. 

The brunette let his eyes wander around the small space. There was an ugly, little couch sitting to his right and kitchen to his left. He slipped off his black converse sneakers before deciding to move over and sit on the couch. After sitting down, he realized that that was a mistake due to the awful texture of the couch’s fabric. It felt like Jack had just sat on a cactus or at least what he thought it would feel like to sit on that sort of pointy plant. Before he could get up though, Mark came back into the room carrying what seemed to be blankets and a pillow.

“Sorry I don’t have that much --” Mark didn’t have the chance to finish because he tripped and fell, landing directly on top of Jack. They both muttered “ow”s and curses under their breaths as Mark propped himself up slightly. His face hovered inches from the Irishman’s face which caused both of them to blush. 

They could both smell the alcohol strongly on each other’s breath. Jack’s ocean blue eyes stared deeply into Mark’s brown ones. The younger man closed his eyes and smiled to brush off the slight bit of awkwardness he felt. They quickly shot opened though when he felt foreign lips on his own. It took Jack by surprise, but he quickly melted into it blaming his feelings on the alcohol. 

The kiss quickly got more heated as the taller man allowed one of his hands to roam the smaller man’s chest. Jack did the same, deepening the kiss as he did so. Mark slid his hands under the other’s shirt carefully trying to lift it up over his head. Jack broke the kiss for a moment to fully take off his shirt while Mark did the same. With shirts removed, Mark pressed the smaller man into the couch to kiss him once again. Jack groaned pushing Mark off of him slightly.

“Is something wrong?” The older man asked worrying he had gone too far or had done something he shouldn’t have. He sat up on his knees between Jack’s legs in order to look at the other better. Jack moved with him, sitting up slightly, and propping himself up by his elbows. 

“No,” Jack said smirking, “Your couch is just a piece of shite, so I was going to ask if we could go to the bedroom.” He let out a little laugh before biting his lower lip slightly. A smile spread across Mark’s face before he grabbed Jack’s hand and led him to the bedroom.

*TWO HOURS LATER*

Mark quickly drifted off to sleep, but Jack could only lie there and wait for the other to truly be asleep. He quietly slipped out from under the covers and gathered his clothes before sneaking out of the apartment. He made the long walk to the hotel, thankful that it was dark out, so no one could see his disheveled hair, inside out shirt, and socks shoved into his pocket.

When Jack got to the hotel, he entered his room to see something that made him glad he didn’t procrastinate like he normally did. Sitting on the bed was his packed suitcase. He pulled his phone from his pocket to check the time, and in doing so he saw that he had to leave almost immediately for the airport. He went to the bathroom and fixed everything that was out of place. Grabbing his suitcase, Jack checked out of the hotel and headed home to Ireland.


	2. Vidcon's Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you so much for all the supportive feedback! I'm also sorry that it did take a while for me to finish this chapter. I was having really bad writer's block, so please accept my apologizes and enjoy!

It is mid-June 2017 and it has been a long while since Jack and Mark had met. They both had forgotten all of what happened that night and have become very internet famous. Mark had created the alias Markiplier, quickly becoming one of the most famous and popular gaming channels. He had recently moved to LA and was living with some of his friends he made over YouTube. Jack was under the alias JackSepticEye, not finding his fame more recently. He still lived in Ireland but is now able to go to conventions and meet friends as result of his fame. Jack and Mark have become very close friends and love making videos together, constantly complimenting each other's work. Yet they somehow have no memory of each other from before. 

Jack, Mark, and some of their friends were playing games simply for fun, but Jack had decided to record it. “Top o’ the mornin’ to ye laddies! My name’s JackSepticEye and welcome back to round 2 of Cards Against Humanity!” Jack shouted his video’s intro, “I’m here again with Mark, Felix, Wade, and Ken.” The video faded right into the group playing the online version of that game. They had played a few rounds talking about random things while doing so. 

“Oh. That’s right! Vidcon isn’t that far away is it?” Jack said waiting for everyone to play their cards. He was the “Card Czar” and the prompt read “The most controversial game at PAX this year is an 8-bit indie platformer about ______ (Blank)” causing him to think about Vidcon for some reason.

“Are you finally planning on coming this year Jack?” Ken asked obviously after playing his card due to the fact he snickered a bit before speaking. Mark started laughing uncontrollably which made everyone else to start laughing. Ken’s question was ignored, but none of them seemed to really care for the answer.

“You okay there Mark?” Felix asked trying not to laugh anymore but failing miserably. He was the last one to play his card which caused all of the other cards to turn over. They all took a short moment to read through all the choices while Mark was still giggling about the card he played. 

Jack started reading the cards out loud to see how they fit into the blank. He got to the last one and Mark lost it again as the Irishman read it. “The most controversial game at PAX this year is an 8-bit indie platformer about a fully-dressed female videogame character” Jack couldn’t hold it together and started laughing as he finished reading the card. Without saying anything else Jack clicked that card and picked it as the winner. 

“Yeah!” Mark shouted between laughs seeing that he won the point. Wade was losing it more than anyone else which caused Jack and Mark to continue laughing longer than they probably should. 

It took a moment for all of them to stop laughing, but the game continued on. “I have no idea why that was so funny.” Wade said seeing he was the “Card Czar,” so he didn’t have to play a card. They all tried to take a moment to catch their breath before continuing the round.

“You know you never answered my question Jack.” Ken said after playing his card. The other guys chuckled slightly at Ken’s very fakey sad tone. Since Jack took a moment to answer, Ken decided to repeat his question. “Are you going to Vidcon this year?”

“It’s not my fault since Mark was the one that distracted everyone.” Jack laughed as Mark tried to interject a defense which was ignored. The Irishman took a quick moment to play his card before speaking again. “I’m going this year. I’m actually leaving tomorrow.”

“Excited to see Chica again?” Mark asked completely out of nowhere. Ken and Felix made some confused laughs at the oddness of the question. 

“Of course I am! I bet you can’t wait to have three extra people in your house.” Jack and Wade both chuckled lightly knowing what was happening this weekend. The other guys finally figured out what they were talking about and made sounds of understanding. 

“It’s only two. Bob can’t come for some reason.” Mark said finally playing his card for the round. Jack and Wade “aww”d from the news they just received. 

The recording ended a few rounds later right after Wade of all people won the game. After everything was closed down, Jack sighed and looked around his bedroom. He saw his open suitcase lying on his bed with all of his stuff hanging out of the bag. 

Jack moved over to it and decided to set everything up since he had to leave early in the morning. It didn’t take long for him to be packed and alarm to be set. His eyes scanned over his phone to check the time which read 9 pm. Realizing he wasn’t going to get anywhere near 8 hours of sleep anymore, Jack begrudgingly got ready for bed even though it felt too early. 

*The Next Morning*

Mark woke up, slightly later than normal, to knocking on his front door. He groggily walked out into the living room to see Ryan already opening the door. Matt joined Mark looking over to see Wade entering the house carrying a suitcase.

“Were you still in bed?” Wade asked looking over at Mark to see him still in his pajamas. Mark just grumbled an excuse before heading back to his room and changing out of his extremely comfortable clothes. 

When he left his bedroom, he saw Chica, his dog, waiting excitedly for him. The dog followed close behind the faux-redhead as he walked back out into the living room. Wade, Matt, and Ryan were talking amongst themselves as Mark entered and took a seat. Wade was rambling on and on about his flight from Cincinnati, and Chica trotted around the living room traveling between each man. They talked mostly about nothing in particular to waste some time before Jack got there. They all got the idea to play the seven second challenge like they usually did when Wade visited. The recording took longer than expected to film with many hilarious antics happening throughout. 

“It’s almost time for our reservations.” Matt said looking at the time on his phone. Mark pulled out his phone surprised at how late it’s already gotten. “Should we get going? I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t wanna pay the late fee.”

“But Jack isn’t here yet. I don’t think he’d appreciate coming to a completely empty house.” Ryan said stretching out even more on the couch he was sitting on. Wade was sitting next to him but was ignoring the whole conversation by playing with Chica. Mark sighed trying to think of a solution before quickly coming up with an idea. 

“I could stay here and wait for him if you guys want me to. You could get the table and we’ll meet there after he arrives.” Mark offered which seemed like the best option for everyone. They left and Mark watched them drive away before plopping down on the couch to watch television. 

A very long while later, probably close to a half hour later, there was a rather loud knock on the door which caused Mark to jump up from his seat. He quickly opened the door to see a very familiar figure standing in front of him. The green hair, small frame, large glasses with light blue eyes peering out behind them, and huge smile that never left his face was too hard not to recognize. It was Jack. He had finally arrived and the two shared a quick hug as a greeting before entering the house. They headed straight to Mark’s room to set up Jack’s stuff and drop off his suitcase. 

“How was the flight?” Mark asked leaning against his bedroom door frame. Jack was quickly unpacking in order to find better clothes than what he was wearing for the plane ride. The slightly older man turned away as the Irishman started changing.

“It was really long and uncomfortable.” Jack said slipping on his nicest pair of skinny jeans. “Sorry I’m late too. The flight to Boston was delayed because of storms.”

“No. It’s fine. We just have to leave really soon because the other guys are already there.” Mark said turning around as Jack slid a tight beanie on the back of his head finally done changing. Mark smiled at him seeing the other man trying to straighten out his shirt after Chica jumped at him.

“I’m already to go if you are.” Jack said walking past Mark to gesture that he wanted to leave. The taller man shrugged following the other out of the house. They got into Mark’s car after making sure they had everything they needed and finally headed to the restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd still love a lot of feedback to tell me what you think especially because this is the chapter I'm most unsure about.


	3. Forgotten Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me a bit to get this chapter out, but I'm actually already half way done with chapter 4, so that means it should be coming out really soon!

Jack has been in LA for a few days dealing with the stress of Vidcon, meetups, and a panel. He didn’t have much time to see or speak to his friends over those few days which made him feel bad. He enjoyed meeting his fans as always, but he was jet lagged for the first few days. This caused him to feel sick and tired most of the day and the slightest bit irritable. 

When the weekend ended though, it was time for some relaxation. Wade had to leave right after Vidcon ended, and Matt and Ryan left on a road trip that same day. Mark and Jack were left alone in the house, but Jack was allowed to move into Matt’s room, instead of sleeping with Mark, for the rest of his stay. He was planning on staying for a few more days to visit Universal Studios and hang out with some of their other friends. 

Today was his one day to relax, and no matter what, he was going to enjoy it. After waking up, Jack walked out to the kitchen to see Mark making coffee. They smiled at each other before Mark handed Jack a mug full of steaming coffee. The Irishman took the mug and blew on the steam before taking a long sip of the hot liquid. 

“So what do you want to do today?” Mark asked after taking the last drink from the mug he was still holding. Jack took a moment to enjoy another drink of the oddly delicious coffee before answering. While still drinking he shrugged and sighed when the cup left his lips.

“If I’m being honest, I wanna do nothin’. Sounds weird, but I still have a wee bit of jet lag in my system.” Jack said laughing lightly. Mark nodded in agreement moving his mug to the sink and rinsing it out. 

“That sounds good to me.” Mark said as a large smile spread across his face. Jack downed the last bit of the bitter liquid before moving his mug to the sink as well. “I say we take the day off and play video games!”

They both burst out laughing and couldn’t stop for a minute or two. “Because that’s taking the day off for us.” Jack said grabbing his sides slightly from laughing too hard. Mark ran one of his hands through his hair as their laughing fit ended. 

“What game should we play?” Mark asked as they both headed for the living room. Jack plopped down on the floor in front of the tv ignoring the couch that was only a foot behind him as Mark moved over to his gaming systems and scanned through their choices. 

“Something that I can beat your arse in.” Jack smirked up at his American friend. Mark played along and jokingly hummed while looking through his game choices. He would place a finger on one before shaking his head and moving on to another.

“Nope. I’m too good at all of these games. There is no games here that I’d lose to you.” Mark laughed turning slightly towards Jack to return the smirk. Jack stuck his tongue out before quickly joining the other by the wall of games. He instantly found one and pulled it haphazardly off the wall. 

“I can guarantee that I am better than you at super smash brothers brawl.” Jack said confidently handing the wii game case to Mark. Mark’s smirk grew wider as he raised an eyebrow realizing how high Jack’s level of confidence was.

“Wanna bet on it?” Mark said before a smile of agreement spread across Jack’s face. Mark moved over to the tv and put the game into the system as Jack took the same seat as earlier on the floor. 

“Loser buys a pizza for lunch?” Jack proposed taking the controler that Mark offered him. He then extended his hand which Mark took and shook to agree on their bet. The character select was quickly pulled up. Jack’s icon landed on Marth, and Mark’s landed on Kirby. They shared a quick competitive glance as the game started.

Five rounds and three pleads for a rematches later, Jack cheered winning his fourth game in a row. Mark glared harshly at the smiling man next to him. Jack threw his arms in the air, controller disappearing in his lap as it set in that Mark was buying lunch. 

“I shouldn’t have allowed you to talk me into that first rematch.” Mark said with a pout forming on his lips. Jack didn’t care and pulled his phone out of his pocket handing it to Mark. The order didn’t take long and after it was done Mark threw Jack’s phone back at him. 

It didn’t take long for there to be a knock on the door. Mark set the pizza on the kitchen counter with two plates. Jack grabbed two rather large slices of the pizza think he was really hungry. They both moved back out to the living munching on their first slices. Jack got about four bites in before a horrible sensation filled his stomach. He set his plate carefully on the coffee table.

“Is something wrong?” Mark asked placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder. Jack’s face was contorted with pain. The Irishman placed a hand on his stomach as the comfortableness, of what felt like his organs twisting together, intensified. 

“Ugh. Lunch isn’t sitting well.” Jack groaned out, his hand gripping the front of his shirt harshly. His face was extremely scrunched from the feeling filling his body. Mark removed his hand, but didn’t know how to comfort his friend. 

“I’ll get you something. Just lay down and relax.” Mark said heading for the kitchen. Jack could hear him opening the fridge as he shifted on uncomfortable feet for a moment. The pain in his stomach grew slightly causing him to audibly groan.

Jack moved and laid down on the couch. The crappy, painful couch that Mark had for a long time. It didn’t mix well with the pain he was already feeling from being sick. His hands ran over the rough fabric realizing that this feeling was somehow familiar. He closed his eyes trying to remember why the texture was familiar. It felt like a cactus... Wait. Jack’s eyes shot open and his face became flushed. He remembered everything... Everything that happened so many years ago. Being extremely drunk, going to a stranger’s apartment, having sex with said stranger (who was Mark), and going home a disheveled mess. Thinking about it made blush harder and actually become a bit warm all over. He wondered if he could blame it on being sick. 

Jack thought he heard Mark’s footsteps heading back to the living room, so he quickly closed his eyes again to pretend to be asleep. He didn’t want his American friend to think of him differently. He was incredibly embarrassed about the feelings coursing through him. Jack had actually fallen asleep on the couch after a while because Mark hadn’t come out of the kitchen. He tossed and turned on the uncomfortable couch ending on his back with his face still flushed.

Mark entered the living room to see Jack sleeping on the couch. He smiled taking a sip from one of the two glasses he was holding. It was a nice cool glass of ice water. He figured it might help Jack’s stomach but didn’t want to wake him. 

Mark placed the glasses on the coffee table next to the couch before finding a blanket in the nearby closet. He laid the bottom of the blanket over the other’s feet and pulled it up to Jack’s neck. The faux-redhead’s face ended very close to the Irishman’s when the blanket covered him. The flushed face and soft eyes could clearly be seen even when the younger man was sleeping. He backed away picking up his glass and taking a sip. 

Mark’s eyes scanned over Jack one last time as he took another quick drink from his cup. He smiled lightly but couldn’t explain why he was enjoying his view. Jack adjusting slightly under the cover, bright red cheeks, and body spread over the couch… Deja Vu… The feeling filled Mark as he remembered a drunk night from years ago between him and the Irishman. 

The shock of remembering hit Mark like a bullet in his head. His mouth fell open and his hand ran through his hair shakily. He stumbled backwards slightly before the glass slipped from his hands and shattered across the floor. All around him was a mixture of glass, water, and a bit of ice.


	4. Admitting The Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is a little bit shorter than the others also if it seems a little rushed. There was just a lot that needed to happen, but I wasn't sure how to write it.

Jack woke up wrapped up in a nice, soft blanket. He groaned and stretched before looking around the living room. Next to him Mark was kneeling trying to clean the floor. His face contorted with confusion as he watched the older man picking up glass off the floor. 

“What the hell happened?” Jack asked sitting up on the couch. Mark jumped slightly and turned to look the drowsy person just across the room. The faux-redhead’s face instantly turned a deep red shade. He was honestly surprised that Jack didn’t wake up when the glass shattered. 

“N-nothing. The glass slipped.” Mark scrambled for an excuse standing up quickly. He moved too quickly and his foot landed on a medium size shard of glass. Shouting curses, Mark hopped over to the coffee table and sat down. 

“Oh my god! I’ll go get the med-kit!” Jack shouted running down the hall to the bathroom. Mark groaned as he examined his foot for the glass. He found it right as Jack came running back out with band-aids and a pair of tweezers. 

“It’s right there.” Mark said pointing at the rather large glass shard lodged near his heel. Jack drew the tweezers close, and Mark braced himself as he felt the shard leave his foot. Jack whispered an apology setting the now blood covered shard on a folded up Kleenex when he heard Mark wince. He put some antibacterial cream on the wound and then carefully placed a band-aid over the area. 

“Thanks.” Mark said carefully placing his injured foot on the ground. Jack was kneeling very close to him and as he stood up there faces got very close. Light blue eyes met deep brown ones causing them to blush deeply because they both remembered what they had remembered a few minutes earlier.

“Y-you’re welcome... Umm. Let’s get shoes on, and I’ll help you clean the rest up.” Jack scrambled fully to his feet and grabbed the Kleenex to throw it out. He walked past a trash before grabbing his black converse and Mark’s sneakers from their place near the front door. 

Once their shoes were on, it didn’t take very long for the rest of the big glass shards to be picked up. Mark then vacuumed to make sure all of the tiny glass pieces were gone. They sighed planting themselves on the couch when everything was clean. Mark examined his foot again and groaned quietly while placing a tiny bit off pressure on the wound.

“Should we still go to Universal tomorrow? I don’t want you to hurt your foot more.” Jack asked noticing that Mark was in a bit of pain. It hurt slightly for Mark to walk, but he didn’t want to stop his friend from having fun while he was here.

“I’ll be fine. You haven’t been there yet.” Mark said giving a small smile. He placed both of his feet back on the floor gingerly. “What would we tell the Grumps and Matthias if we didn’t go anyway?”

“They’re your friends. I’m sure they would understand that you can’t go since you’re hurt.” Jack rolled his eyes at Mark’s ridiculousness. He sat there for a moment thinking of something they could all do instead. “We could have a pool party! It’ll probably be too hot to go walk around Universal anyway.”

Mark’s smile widened enjoying the idea. “Why didn’t we think of that originally?” He asked drawing a laugh from the man sitting next to him. “If that’s what we’re going to do though, we should tell them and get supplies.” 

Mark proceeded to pull out his phone and text Matthias and Arin, Danny, and the rest Grump gang about their idea. Everyone seemed to be okay with the new plan which made Jack and Mark extremely happy. Jack pulled out his phone as well to start writing a list of supplies they needed. He quickly flashed the list to Mark who nodded in approval. “I’m sorry by the way. I’m sure you were looking forward to going to Universal.”

Jack laughed lightly. “Sure. Who doesn’t want wanna visit Harry Potter world, but it gives me an excuse to come back and visit you like I know you want me to.” The Irishman gave his friend a smug smirk who gave him a shove in the arm back. 

The rest of the day, the two were out shopping. They bought lots of food and drinks for their party tomorrow. They even spent a bit of time setting up the party after they got home. They stayed up rather late to make sure the party would be perfect. 

The next day Mark and Jack woke up later than normal which they were kind of happy about because it meant they didn’t have to wait as long for the guests to arrive. Arin, Suzy, and Danny were the first to show up at about 5pm. 

The party went off without a hitch for being set up last minute. Just as Jack had predicted, all of their friends understood that Mark had gotten hurt and were more worried about his injury than going to Universal Studios. They swam, chatted, drank, and ate until past the sun went down. 

People left when they wanted to and the group slowly shrank until it was just Jack and Mark who quickly decided it was time for bed. Mark felt slightly bad because Jack was leaving tomorrow, and they ended the night slightly early. Jack didn’t mind though. The night was really fun, and it was the perfect end to his vacation. 

The next morning, the day Jack leaves, Mark woke up kind of early and made coffee for them to enjoy. Jack woke up soon after and gathered his stuff back in his suitcase before heading to the kitchen. When Jack moved close to Mark, the American offered a mug of steaming coffee. Their fingers met on the side of the cup, and they both lingered for a short moment growing increasingly embarrassed because of the memory they shared. 

“This... This is going to sound kind of weird, but I have to ask about it... So something happened a while ago...” Mark paused not quite sure how to finish his statement. He gently rubbed the back of his neck looking at Jack with unsure gaze. 

“I remembered it too.” Jack said turning his gaze to the floor seeming to read Mark’s mind to know where the American was heading. Mark didn’t know what to think. It wasn’t long until Jack was heading back to Ireland, and they both just admitted that they had a one night stand.

“Is that why...” Mark looked wide eyed at the younger man. He realized that things had become weird between them because of this memory. “I’m sorry Jack. I shouldn’t have said anything.” 

“Don’t be. Like I said you aren’t the only one dealing with that memory.” Jack said placing his hand on Mark’s shoulder. He looked up connecting their gaze and gave the American a reassuring smile. Mark smiled back before turning to look at the clock on the wall.

“Oh! Crap. We need to get going otherwise you might miss your flight.” Mark said rushing to grab his car keys. Jack grabbed his suitcase and they both hopped into the car. It was a quiet ride to the airport. Mark parked in the small parking ramp, and they said their goodbyes there.

With a heavy heart Mark waved goodbye to the brunette in front of him. He felt awful from the awkwardness between them the last day. They gave each other quick, sad smiles as Jack turned and left. Mark’s heart broke as he watched Jack walk away. He hated watching the man he has a crush on leave him.

Mark stood there in shock for a moment. He couldn’t believe what he just realized. He never thought about Jack like that. Jack was his best friend. He shouldn’t be thinking of the Irishman like that, but ever since they remembered their one night stand, things felt different.


	5. Who Knew?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I am extremely sorry that I took such a long hiatus. I simply had no inspiration for this story, but I got it back! The chapters are going to start coming out regularly again. (About a week between updates, but will probably be shorter because I have a few later chapters done)   
> I am also going to apologize that this chapter is a little shorter that my other ones, but longer chapters will be coming out soon. I promise I have not given up on this story! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy.

It has been two weeks since Mark realized he had feelings for his Irish friend.Time seemed to be moving extremely fast and slow at the same time for him. He was still freaking out about it quite a bit, even to the point where he was ignoring the green headed man. He figured Jack would flip if he ever found out. Mark refused Jack’s calls, texts, and any other form of contact he tried. 

Jack was extremely annoyed and contacted Wade, Bob, Matt, Ryan and even the Grumps because no one knew why Mark was ignoring him. His frustration was increasing as each day went by. Eventually the weeks turned into months and soon three very painful months for both of them.

The two missed their late night chats about things they were excited about. Missed how they could always talk to each other if something was wrong. Missed playing stupid, glitchy games together or competing in a round of prop hunt / who’s your daddy. 

Jack had almost gotten to the point where he gave up trying. Bob and Wade were no help, and it was obvious that Mark wasn’t going to contact him anytime soon. Three months is a long time to hold out hope that someone hasn’t given up on your friendship.

‘If Mark doesn't want to talk to me anymore, then he missed out on an amazing friend... But what if it’s all my fault and I did something that was out of line?’ The same thoughts replayed in Jack’s mind everyday. He kept having a battle in his mind over everything that happened when he visited for Vidcon. He must have done something while he was there to cause Mark to become angry.

Mark on the other hand was having a different sort of internal battle. He felt bad for cutting off contact with his friend, but he knew he couldn’t face him knowing that he had feelings for Jack. It seemed easier since they already lived so far away to just cut off contact then discuss what was going on.

“Just freaking tell him dude! You’re making things worse for yourself by ignoring him.” Wade said being the only person who knew why Mark was avoiding Jack. Bob, Wade, Molly, and Mandy were all visiting for the weekend to just hang out with Mark seeing as he seemed stressed out. 

Bob, Mandy, and Molly had gone to the movies without the other two because neither of them were interested in seeing the newest Disney at the time. Wade and Mark stayed home playing video games and recording a couple of videos. A little noise caught their attention showing that Jack had logged onto Skype starting the current conversation. 

“He’s going to hate me...” Mark trailed off looking away. He knew his friend was right but didn’t want to admit it. Wade grabbed Mark’s phone from the table and handed it to him before pulling out his own to search for something.

“If you don’t call him right now...” He paused still scrolling through the phone in his hand. “I’ll tell him everything because Bob and I are tired of getting annoyed messages from Jack.” He showed Mark the he had pulled up Jack’s contact ready to call if he needed to. Mark glared at the taller man before begrudgingly dialing for the Irishman.

It took a few rings before Mark heard a thick accented and confused “Hello?” on the other end of the line. Mark’s nerves got the better of him, and he stayed silent. The cocktail of guilt and fear brewing in his stomach caused him to look up at Wade nervously.

“Is anyone there?” Jack asked after a few moments with no answer. Mark continued to be unsure of what to do. Wade made a motion with his hands to go on and talk to the confused man on the phone. Another minute of silence passed, and the brunette grew annoyed. “I’m going to hang up soon if who ever this is doesn’t answer.”

“Wait! Wait... Jack it’s me.” Mark hurried out hoping to hold the Irishman for a minute. He bit his bottom lip slightly not wanting to continue. “I’m sorry.” Was all that came out of the faux-redhead’s mouth after a few quiet moments. 

“Sorry? Mark, is that seriously what you think I want to hear? What the fuck is wrong with you? Where have you been?” Jack said the anger clear on his voice. Mark flinched away from Jack’s harsh tone although he knew that the brunette had every reason to be that pissed at him. He did something horrible for very selfish reasons. He didn’t think about how Jack would feel only that ignoring him made the older man feel slightly better.

“I’m sorry Jack. I have no excuse...” Mark quietly whispered using his free hand to clench his pant leg. He felt like he was going to cry. He felt horrible for what he did to one of his best friends, and he could hear the hurt in Jack’s voice.

“Of course you don’t... Ugh...” Now Jack paused feeling unsure about what to ask next. He didn’t want to scare Mark away to have him ignore him all over again. “How about you don't lie to me for two seconds and tell me what happened?” 

“I uh… I…” Mark could not get himself to form the words he knew needed to be said. Wade gave him an expectant glance because he knows his friend would try and stall as much as he could. Mark groaned feeling rather frustrated with himself and Wade for pushing him. 

“Do you have any fucking idea how worried I was? How long you made me feel like I had done something horribly wrong?” Jack’s tone was harsh, but it made Mark realize how he was just being selfish and a horrible friend. 

“I’m sorry… So so sorry.” Was all that came from Mark's mouth. Wade looked remorsefully to the floor hoping that his friends could somehow make-up and begin being friends with each other once again. 

“I’m tired of hearing that from you today. Is there seriously nothing else you can say about what happened?” Jack sighed into the phone wanting to end the call because he could feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He didn’t want Mark to hear him cry. 

“Jack... I have to tell you something important... I-” Mark was stopped as Jack yelled into the phone. He shouted curses and other things that made the redhead feel worse. He didn’t want to hear any excuses because he had already been hurt enough.

Mark felt like he was going to cry. He ran his hand shakily through his messed up hair as the other’s anger kept growing. He tried taking a deep breath and sighed looking up at Wade who was looking away. He started to feel extremely bad for forcing Mark to call Jack. 

Jack continued yelling for what seemed like an eternity. The two on the other end of the line simply sat there and took in everything. Their brows furrowed in guilt, and they tried to give apologetic looks for putting the other in this situation. 

“And the icing on the cake? From you ignoring me, I realized I love you and don’t want to ever be without you!” Jack shouted into the phone not completely noticing what he just admitted in his blind rage. He didn’t want Mark to finish the statement for some reason. The Irishman was scared of what happened because he feared it was all his fault Mark ignored him.

Mark’s phone fell to his lap, and his mouth went slightly agape. Wade heard everything, so the two Americans just sat there in shock staring at each other. Jack’s eyes went wide with panic, and he quickly hung up the phone.


	6. What Comes Next?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Look who isn't dead! I'm really sorry that this chapter has taken forever to come out, but guess what? I'm already done with the next chapter! It'll be posted on either Aug 11th or Aug 12th. 
> 
> Quick thing too: from the end of chapter 6 to the beginning of chapter 10 there are a lot of time skips. I try to give a good view of how much time passes between chapters, but the time is roughly 2 and 1/2 to 3 years that pass.

Jack spun around in his chair with his knees tucked to his chest. He sighed lightly as the spinning stopped completely unsure of what to think. He just told Mark that he loved him and panic was still filling his whole body. He started shaking the more he thought about it. He figured Mark was going to hate him now and never speak to him again. 

Jack’s phone started buzzing again. It made an odd noise against his desk. He glanced at the screen to see a cute picture of him and Mark with Mark’s contact name above it. He wasn’t sure if he should answer, but quickly his curiosity took over and he answered the call.

“Hello?” Jack asked carefully hoping that Mark wasn’t planning on yelling at him or cussing him out. He braced for impact fearing for what might happen. He really hoped Mark didn’t hear what he said earlier. 

That was the least of Jack’s problems. Little did he know his girlfriend was listening from the other side of the door. She had heard him yelling and grew concerned about what was happening. She stayed there unsure of what to think.

“Jack! Did you mean what you said before you hung up?” Mark asked almost seeming to be out of breath. Jack froze completely as his own breathing speeding up as he began to panic slightly.

“Y-yeah... I did...” Jack admitted bracing once again for Mark to get angry or be disgusted. He grew more and more nervous the longer Mark waited to reply, but the faux-redhead was simply floored that they felt the same way about each other. 

“Jack. I’ve been trying to tell you that I feel the same way.” Mark said which caused Jack’s mouth to fall open. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing in the slightest. “That’s why I was avoiding you...”

“Really...? You’ve been feeling this way for that long?” Jack asked now understanding why there had been no form of contact. There was a pause. Neither knew what to say or what to think about the other’s announcement. 

“So... What do we do now?” Mark asked hoping slightly that Jack would ask him out. He looked over to Wade who shrugged because he was completely confused as to what was going on. 

Just then Wade’s phone started going off. It was playing some weird obscure song that probably no one knew besides him. Mark had to hold back a laugh as the taller man answered the call. Jack didn’t hear the phone on his end which Mark was slightly thankful for.

“I-I don’t know... I love you and would like to start a more intimate relationship, but I still love Signe and...” Jack trailed off zoning out once again. He sighed quietly letting his head fall back against his chair.

Wade showed Mark a text box that said ‘Bob just called saying they were done with the movie, so I’m going to go pick them up.’ Mark nodded as his friend hopped up and headed out the door. 

“...I understand. It wouldn’t be fair to her.” Mark stood up and started pacing in the small area of his living room. He bit at his thumb nail on his free hand as anxiousness filled his head.

“I’ll call you back when I figure all of this out on my end...” Jack said leaning as far into his chair as he could. He didn’t want to move from this chair for the rest of the day. He was causing himself more stress than he had since Vidcon. 

“Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. I’ll see you then. Love you Jack.” Mark said hanging up his phone with a smile spreading across his face. Jack was left sitting in his office with a light blush dusting his cheeks.

Signe slowly opened the door which caused Jack to spin around shocked. His eyes grew wide because he wasn’t sure what she had heard. She crossed one arm across her chest to grip her other arm, and her gaze fell to the floor.

“D-did you really mean what you said to Mark?” Signe asked cautiously unsure if she wanted to hear the answer to her question. She felt like she was going to cry. This seemed to cause unneeded stress for both of them.

“I know you won’t like this answer...” Jack stood up and made his way over to the Danish girl. He gripped her hands in his hoping it would console her in some way. “Yes. I meant every word I said to Mark.”

“Oh...” Was all Signe could say. It came out very shakily and tears started slowly falling from her eyes. Jack wasn’t sure how to comfort her, so he made an attempt by wrapping his arms around her.

“I’m sorry. I really am. This isn’t fair for you at all.” Jack said as Signe slowly wrapped her arms around his abdomen and started crying a bit harder. He gently patted the back of her head feeling horrible for doing this to her. “I still care about you a lot, but it wouldn’t be fair to you if we continued dating.”

“I understand, and I forgive you.” Signe said pulling away from Jack to give him a sad smile. He returned the look as she turned to leave the room. She turned back to say something with her hand still on the doorknob. “I’ll start packing and be gone in a few days.”

“You can stay here as long as you need to.” Jack said grabbing the door when Signe exited. She nodded slightly without looking back. Jack watched as she disappeared down the hall and into their room.

A month went by in the blink of an eye. Signe had moved out a week ago and Jack was left completely alone. He hated that they broke up, but he knew that he wanted to be with Mark. He didn’t want to hurt her, but it seems to be too late for that.

Another week or two went by before Jack wanted to talk to Mark. He was sitting in his office chair with his phone in hand. He messed around with it, trying to gain some confidence. He swallowed thickly as he dialed Mark’s number.

“Hey Jack!” Mark said as he answered his phone. Jack shook slightly becoming nervous hearing Mark’s deep voice on the other end of the line. His throat grew dry unsure of how to continue. He could hear how excited Mark was to talk to him. “You there?”

"Y-yeah! Sorry... I was... taking a drink.” Jack lied through his teeth picking up and setting something on his desk to help with his ruse. He took a few deep breaths after moving the phone away from his face slightly.

“I didn’t think you’d call back this soon.” Jack could barely hear what the other said since he held his phone about an arm's length away. He slowly pulled it back to his ear as he tried to think of what to say. 

“Yeah... Uh... I’m sorry that it’s been a few weeks.” Jack said scratching the back of his neck slightly. His eyes scanned his office looking for something to focus on. He slowly started to zone out as he stared at his collection of fan made stuff.

“No! It’s totally fine. I figured it’d be a week or two more before you’d call me back.” Mark said adjusting slightly in his chair. His eyes scanned the small area of his office and he gently bit his lip unsure if he should be the one to continue. 

“So... Um... Signe heard our conversation that day and so we broke up...” Jack trailed off hoping Mark wouldn’t press him anymore about that subject. He adjusted slightly in his chair trying to make himself a bit more comfortable. 

“Oh... I’m sorry to hear about that...” Mark said being truly genuine by saying that. He felt bad that he was the reason they broke up. Jack would never blame Mark or think it was the other’s fault that all of this happened. 

“I think I’ve had enough time to recuperate from that...” Jack said dragging it out hoping to get his point across. When Mark didn’t say anything, Jack decided to continue. “Um... I was thinking we could try ‘us’ out?” 

“I’d like that a lot.” Mark said as a sweet smile grew on his lips. A similar smile spread across Jack’s face. They continued talk about nothing for the next few hours until Mark finally needed to go to sleep. They exchanged goodbyes and other such sweet comments before hanging up their phones.


	7. L.A. Here I Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look who posted way before they said they were going to! It's because I just couldn't wait. My favorite chapters are coming up so I really wanted to get this chapter out to you guys. And the next chapter will probably be posted soon too. Yay...
> 
> I'd really love some more feedback on what you guys are thinking about this story so far. I also want to know what you guys think of me starting an anti/dark/mark/jack/gender bend of all of them series of one-shots?

Jack looked at the boxes that were stacking up in his small living room. He couldn’t believe he and Mark had been dating for five months. Mark had been asking the Irishman to move in with him for the past two months, but Jack finally agreed. Mark flew over to Ireland to help his boyfriend pack.

Jack smiled at Mark who was currently taping a box shut filled with bedding. He loved watching the American in his tight white t-shirt lift the heaviest containers, muscles almost ripping through the thin fabric. He gently bit his bottom lip enjoying his view a little too much. 

“What’s that look for?” Mark asked when he finally noticed Jack staring at him. The younger man looked away slightly embarrassed. He moved closer to his boyfriend pulling him in for a sweet kiss. They stayed like that for a few moments as Mark wrapped his arms around Jack’s abdomen squeezing him slightly closer.

“Thank you for helping me pack.” Jack said after separating from the kiss. Mark chuckles lightly placing a small kiss on the Irishman’s forehead. Jack smiles widely as blue eyes meet brown. “You didn’t have to come all the way out here.”

“Of course I did. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t help you move in with me?” Mark snaked out of Jack’s grip so that they could continue packing. Jack groaned and pouted looking at Mark who headed to the kitchen, but he looked back just enough to smirk at the younger man. 

Jack sighed but went to the bathroom carrying an empty box he intended to fill. There was very little that needed to be packed, so the box is only about half-full when he brings it back out to the living room. He tapped and labeled it, placing it near his bedroom boxes. He turned to see his boyfriend reaching up on his tippy-toes for glasses in the cabinet. 

“Need help over there?” Jack said smirking at the faux-redhead who was still struggling to reach the top shelf. He made his way over to Mark who landed with a huff after giving up on the glass. 

“You can’t do any better. Let’s not forget who’s taller here.” Mark smirks back straightening himself, so he can show off that fact. Jack scoffs and hops up onto the counter reaching the glass with ease. 

Jack slipped as he tried to get down and started to fall. Mark quickly caught Jack who held the glass to his chest. He hurriedly took the cup from the other and placed it on the counter before helping him stand up. They looked at each other for a short moment before laughing.

“Told you I could get it.” Jack said slightly breathless both from laughing and when he fell. Mark wrapped his arms around Jack a they continued laughing for a few moments. When the laughing died down, they both leaned away from the hug staring into the other’s eyes. “Thank you for catching me.”

“Anytime babe.” Mark smiled placing a light kiss on Jack’s temple. Jack rolled his eyes at the petname his boyfriend used. Mark chuckled slightly, “What would you prefer? Sweetheart? Honey? Snugglepie? Irish Hottie?”

Jack burst out laughing breaking away from the faux-redhead’s grip. “‘Irish Hottie?’ You seriously want to call me that?” The Irishman raised an eyebrow still unable to stop laughing. 

“I mean, why not? It’s whatever you want.” Mark pointed out smirking slightly before crossing his arms. Jack copied the taller man’s movements sticking out his tongue calling the other a big doof. “Love you too Jack.” 

“I guess you have to because now we’re living together whether you like it or not.” Jack smirked turning to go back to packing when he felt two arms wrap around his waist. Mark put his chin on Jack’s shoulder so he could speak right into the younger man’s ear. 

“Of course I like it. I’m the one that’s been asking you to move in with me.” Mark said before pressing a light kiss against Jack’s back causing him to shiver slightly. Jack turned around in Mark’s arms showing that he had a blush dusting his cheeks. 

“I love you so much ya doof.” Jack as a sweet smile spread across his face and his eyes shut in content. Mark captured his boyfriend’s lips in a rather passionate kiss. It was sweet but showed how much they cared about each other.

The rest of the day went by pretty quickly with them just trying to finish packing. The movers were coming early the next morning, as was their flight, so they used what little bedding they didn’t pack to pass out on Jack’s bed. The next morning was busy as they went through their mental checklists before leaving for the airport.

It was a very long and uncomfortable flight to LA, but they at least had each other for the 11 hours. Neither of them were able to fall asleep during that time. When they landed in the busy airport, it took awhile to find Matt and Ryan who were waiting to pick the two up. They were dropped off at Mark’s house with suitcases in hand.

“Here we are!” Mark said quickly pushing the front door open allowing Jack to enter their house first. Jack pulled at the straps on the backpack he was wearing after placing his large suitcase next to the couch. Mark followed closely behind holding a small duffel bag and another large suitcase. “Why does your stuff have to be so heavy?”

“It’s not just my stuff! You have your own bag.” Jack said acting defensively, pointing at the duffel bag the American was holding. He carefully took off his backpack and placed it on the couch. “Plus you offered to grab the one that had all the computer equipment.”

“Yes because my one change of clothes and toothbrush are so heavy.” Mark smirked moving next to the other and placing the lighter bag on the couch. Jack pouted slightly as Mark wrapped his arms tightly around his waist. 

After parting from the hug, Mark showed Jack to the bedroom so they could unpack their clothes. Jack changed into a loose fitting pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt while Mark put on a pair of gym shorts and tight, black tank-top. 

The two spent the next few hours setting up Jack’s recording space in his own office. They then proceeded to watch some crappy sci-fi movies while munching on a small bowl of popcorn together. Jack was falling asleep while lying against Mark’s shoulder but quickly woke up when the other started moving.

“Well it’s time for bed.” Mark said pushing himself off of the couch. He held his hand out for Jack which was quickly taken as he pulled the shorter man to his feet. Mark yawned loudly. “I don’t know about you, but I’m tired.”

“I agree.” Jack said while yawning himself. They proceeded to their bedroom where they quickly changed into their pajamas. It didn’t take long for them to curl up under the covers and for Mark to fall into a deep sleep. 

Jack nuzzled closer to Mark’s chest taking a deep breath. His boyfriend’s scent filled his nostrils making him feel at home. He relaxed in the other’s arms and slowly drifted off to sleep. Yes this was his home and he was glad to finally be there.


	8. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyone ready for teeth-rotting fluff? Well this is my second favorite chapter of the whole story, so I hope you enjoy!

Mark smiled at his boyfriend, gently stroking the other’s bright green hair. He enjoyed watching Jack sleep especially when his hair was everywhere because he tossed and turned in his sleep. The faux-redhead placed a light kiss on Jack’s forehead after gently brushing hair out of his face.

Jack groaned softly shifting closer to Mark, nuzzling into the older man’s chest. They wrapped their arms around each other as Jack slowly opened his eyes with a giant yawn. That caused Mark to join him in a wide yawn before chuckling lightly. 

“Good morning my Irish Hottie. Did you sleep well?” Mark asked before placing another kiss on the top of his boyfriend’s head. Jack chuckled at the odd pet name but couldn’t remove the smile plastered on his lips. 

“Mornin’ Markimoo and course I always sleep well next to you.” Jack moved up connecting their lips in a loving kiss as they basked in the morning of their two year anniversary. “Also happy anniversary.” 

“Happy anniversary to you too Jackaboy.” A huge smile spread ear to ear on Mark’s face. Mark could never forget what day it was because he’d been planning the perfect day for the past few months. 

It all started with sneaking away to make breakfast. Jack stretched and seemed like he was ready to get out of bed. Mark hugged him closer not willing to let Jack leave. He didn’t want to ruin any surprise he had for the Irishman. 

“We have ta get outta bed sometime.” Jack groaned pealing out of the other’s grasp. He placed a peck on Mark’s lips before hopping out of bed. He put on a robe as he exited the room headed for the showers.

“Take your time!” Mark shouted after Jack as he jumped out of bed throwing on a white tee before running to the kitchen. He threw on an apron deciding to make the best pancakes his boyfriend had ever eaten.

It took the entire time that Jack had to shower and get dressed for him to notice the fantastic smell coming from the kitchen. He walked out to see Mark in his white apron standing over the stove with a spatula in hand. Next to him was the biggest stack of pancakes Jack had ever seen. He snuck up behind the slightly taller man and wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist causing him to jump. 

“Don’t do that when I am making food!” Mark said pointing the spatula right in Jack’s face. Jack simply laughed grabbing one of the pancakes off the top of the stack and taking a huge bite out of it. Mark fake pouted crossing his arms. “You have no respect for surprise breakfasts.”

Jack laughed taking another bite out of the amazingly fluffy pastry. “Well, when it’s this good, it’s hard to resist.” Jack tried to take another bite more sexually but failed miserably. They both started laughing before Mark leaned down and kissed Jack gently.

They enjoyed the best breakfast Jack had ever had before sitting down to record a video together. They played Jack’s favorite video game, Shadow of the Colossus, Jack giving Mark instructions on how to play the game the whole time. They spent a few hours recording a few episodes of it. 

After posting the first episode, they enjoyed a nice lunch. Jack had made some sandwiches for them before grabbing the gift he got for Mark. He handed the small container bashfully to his boyfriend while they ate. Mark smiled widely as he unwrapped the gift to see the movie he’s been begging to have.

“Thank you so much Jack! It was exactly what I wanted.” Mark exclaimed leaning over giving Jack a sweet peck on the cheek. Jack blushed slightly smiling at his hands which were in his lap. They finished the small lunch before Jack started cleaning the dishes. 

They spent the next few hours, before their reservations, making a few more videos by themselves. They set up in their offices editing, recording, and posting videos for a while. It was getting late, so Mark decided to call it a day.

Mark knocked lightly on Jack’s office door before opening it slightly. The Irishman had his large, noise-canceling headphones on as he appeared to be editing a video. Deciding to pay his boyfriend back from this morning, Mark snuck slowly up behind Jack. He could hear the other’s music playing as he jabbed Jack in the sides causing him to jump five feet in the air.

“What The Fuck Mark!” Jack yelled as he tried to calm his breathing. Mark fell backwards laughing extremely hard gripping his sides. Jack got up and punched Mark lightly in the arm before leaving to go change. 

It didn’t take long for both of them to get dressed which was just in time for them to leave. Mark gently ran his fingers through his hair searching for the gift he got for Jack after getting ready for dinner. He found it in his desk drawer and quickly slid it into his pocket as he headed for the living room. Jack was there holding out the car keys.

“Ready when you are.” Jack jingled the keys lightly before Mark grabbed them. They smiled widely at each other before Jack hopped up and placed a kiss on Mark’s cheek. Mark wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s waist as they exited the house.

After a nice dinner, they decided to take a nice stroll in the park near their house. They walked pretty far away from the residence simply talking about nothing. Neither was realizing how late it was getting or how the weather was starting to change for the worst. 

Every time Jack looked away, Mark checked his pockets making sure his small gift for Jack was still there. Mark wiped his hands on his jeans carefully as they neared a cute park bench illumined by a small street lamp. This was it, Mark was finally going to do what he’s wanted to do for a little under a year.

“Can we talk for a minute Sean? I have something I wanna say.” Mark said pulling Jack to sit on the park bench. He felt bad that his hands were clammy as he gripped Jack’s hands in his own. He started shaking slightly unsure of where to start. Jack grew slightly concerned because Mark never called him by his real name.

“What are you doing ya goof?” Jack asked raising an eyebrow to Mark’s nervous actions. Mark got down on one knee while a deep red blush covered his cheeks. Jack also grew flushed as he realized what Mark was doing.

“Sean William McLoughlin... I love you so so much. I have never met anyone like you. You are the person I know I can trust and will always be there for me. Now I wanna show you that you can always count on me.” Mark reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny black box. “I know you asked me this awhile ago, and at that time I said no, but can you forgive me and marry me?” 

Jack froze as a smile quickly spread across his lips. He pulled a hand up to cover his mouth as tears started to fall from his eyes. He simply nodded feverishly unable to form any sort of sentence. Mark slid the ring on Jack’s hand before kissing him lightly on the lips. They both laughed pressing their foreheads together, light blue eyes meeting deep brown ones. 

Rain slowly started to drip from the sky and hit the happy couple on the head. They started laughing more as they ran for cover in the nearby bathroom area. It started pouring harder and harder as they caught their breath in the bathroom.

“This is so romantic.” Jack joked wrapping his arms around Mark’s neck placing a soft but passionate kiss on the taller man’s lips. Mark’s hands went to the brunette’s hips not wanting to separate from his new fiancé. They could both hear the rain lightly pounding on the roof of the small space. “Totally not cliché at all.” Jack muttered against the other’s lips.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Mark pulled Jack in for another kiss running his fingers through neon green hair. They both smiled into the kiss for a few more moments before separating and talking until the rain finally stopped.


	9. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: EXTREME ANGST AND NON-DESCRIPTIVE DEATH AHEAD!!!!
> 
> I am skipping a filler chapter, here's gist of what it was about: 
> 
> Mark and Jack were going over wedding plans, and Mark mentioned that they should have bachelor parties which Jack agreed to. The end was Jack being unable to sleep as he waited up for Mark to get home from his party.

Since Jack wasn’t allowed to go out with everyone the night before, he pulled up Ryan’s Instagram while propped up in his bed. He smiled seeing his adorable fiancé making funny faces with his friends as they partied. His eyes turned to the ring on Mark’s hand and smiled lovingly before rubbing the ring on his own hand. He scrolled through selfie after selfie and other weird photos taken at the bachelor party.

Then Jack paused, his mouth fell open. There was a series of selfies with Wade, Bob and Ryan where Mark could clearly be seen making out with some random woman in the background. He couldn’t believe his eyes at all. The kiss looked amazing, and if he wasn’t engaged to the faux-redhead, he would have said the two were a cute couple. Tears started falling from Jack’s eyes. 

The tears fell faster and faster the more Jack looked at the pictures. He started sobbing and shaking as he closed his phone leaving the picture up. He couldn’t decide whether or not to go confront Mark or stay there and cry. Deciding rather quickly, Jack stood up from his bed and quickly made his way to Mark’s office.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!” Jack shouted ripping the door open and storming in. Mark jumped and turned quickly slightly frightened by the other’s actions. Jack’s face was stained with tears which caused Mark to instantly become concerned. 

“What happened Jack?” Mark said rushing to his fiancé’s side. He tried to pull the Irishman into a hug, but suddenly felt a strong sting on his cheek. Jack had slapped him across his face and started to sob harshly again.

“What do you think happened!” Jack shouted opening his phone again. He shoved the image into Mark’s face to make a point. “You fucking cheated on me during your bachelor party even showing off your goddamn ring.”

Mark was speechless. He didn’t know what to say. His eyes were wide and mouth was slightly open. Tears were pouring out of Jack’s eyes as the screen faded and finally locked. He couldn't look at Mark anymore, so he turned his gaze to the floor. Mark opened his mouth about to give an excuse, but Jack lifted his hand up.

“Don’t give me any excuse because any you could give would be complete BS.” Jack said crossing his arms which only emphasized his labored breathing as his sobbing slowed. “Like how I know you couldn’t have been drunk because you’d die if you drank. And you wanna know why I know that? Because I actually give a shite about your well being.”

“But she was drunk and forced the kiss on me! Trust me I didn’t want to kiss her.” Mark said getting highly defensive. His face contorted to a slight bit of anger and annoyance. “You have no idea how much I care about you. I could never ever hurt you on purpose.” 

“I don’t know if I can believe that after seeing this. You were into that kiss.” Jack said turning away. He stared at the still open door trying to calm down a bit more. He played with his ring nervously and didn’t know whether or not to take it off.

“Sean... Sean I really didn’t kiss her back.” Mark said hoping to calm the other down by saying his real name, but he was incredibly wrong. It only made things worse for himself. He placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder which was quickly smacked away. Jack was pissed that Mark thought that things would be okay if he called him Sean. 

“Don’t you dare call me that anymore.” Jack said exiting the room not allowing Mark to see his expression. He moved to the kitchen grabbing a glass of water. Mark was close behind him trying to catch his significant other. 

“Se-Jack. Listen to me. I swear I didn’t want that to happen.” Mark tried once again to wrap his large arms around the smaller man next to him. Jack felt disgusted. He tensed extremely against the older man’s chest. 

“I can’t hear it anymore. You know... I gave up everything for you!” Jack said tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He moved away from Mark's grip to get away from the faux redhead. Mark grew angry and defensive, more so than before.

“I gave up shit for you too. Ever think about that?” Mark shouted adjusting his weight so that he was leaning on the counter with one arm. Jack scoffed and couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He stared at the man in shock for a moment.

“Were you the one that moved away from everything you knew, so we could be together? Did you break up with someone you deeply cared about because you thought someone else loved you more?” Jack said placing his cup on the counter before crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Don’t try to guilt me with that shit. You didn’t have to do all of that.” Mark growled out. He was starting to get really pissed but didn’t know why. In all actuality, Jack was right, and Mark had no reason to be upset with his fiancé. 

“If that’s how you feel about it, then take this piece of shite back. I don’t want it anymore.” Jack threw his engagement ring straight at Mark before running to the bedroom and slamming the door. Mark cursed to himself picking up the ring and placing it next to Jack’s water glass. 

Mark placed both hands on the counter and stretched out his arms. He sighed feeling extremely guilty and crumbled to the floor. His knees were pulled close to his chest, and he put his hands on his face as he started crying. He didn’t move from that spot for what felt like an hour.  
When Mark felt like he could move again, he slumped his way to the bedroom hoping to apologize to Jack. Outside the door was a neat pile of a couple of blankets and a pillow. Mark picked up the tiny note that was on top of the bedding. 

“I don’t wanna talk anymore tonight. Sleep on the couch because I will punch you if you come in this room.” It was written in Jack’s chicken scratch which Mark could barely read, so he had to guess most of what it said. He sighed going back and setting up in the living room before quickly falling asleep. 

Little did Mark know that his fiancé was searching for last minute flights to Ireland. Jack looked over at the overnight bag he packed as he finished paying for the plane tickets. He simply sat there for a few hours waiting until he could leave and get away from Mark. He sighed before calling an Uber to take him to the airport. 

When Jack exited the room, he could hear Mark’s snoring, so he quietly tiptoed out of the front door. He took one last look at the house as he hopped into the taxi like vehicle. He whispered a goodbye as he headed home to Ireland.

*A few hours later*

Mark awoke rather early, his neck stiff from sleeping on the couch. He was parched, so he moved to the kitchen rubbing his shoulders as he walked. He grabbed Jack’s glass from last night and drank from it enjoying the sensation. Sighing while looking at the ring that was still sitting there, he checked his phone for notifications. To his surprise there were two missed calls from Jack. He turned on the speaker on his phone as the messages played.

“Hey Mark. I just wanted to let you know that I’m heading back to Ireland for the weekend to clear my head. I’ll be back on Monday.” Mark listened to the first message while taking another long drink from the cup of water. He wasn’t too surprised that Jack wanted a break but was sad that they couldn’t work things out until Monday. The second one started playing straight after the first one ended.

“Mark! I have to say this quickly. I just needed to tell you I love you and always will!” The message cut off as Jack said the last word. Mark could hear other people screaming, and the terror in Jack’s voice was apparent. He couldn’t think fast enough to process what he just heard. His hands started to shake looking at his phone in disbelief.

Mark quickly pulled up the internet app and searched with a heavy heart. It didn’t take long to find what he was looking for. He scanned the article as fast as he could, finding what he hoped he wouldn’t. “Plane headed for Ireland crashed. No survivors.” The glass fell out of his hand and shattered on the kitchen floor.


	10. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyone love the last chapter? Well here's more depressing angst!! Happy Birthday!

It seemed like the perfect day for a funeral. Mark listened to the rain pound on the roof of the church as people came up and gave their condolences. He stared blankly at the floor unable to show any sort of emotion. There was a long line of people after the funeral ended to apologize for what happened. Mark looked up for a short second to see a large image of his deceased fiancé on the other side of the room. 

Wade was the first one Mark recognized that walked up to the line. Wade patted the shorter man’s back lightly trying to convey his sympathy. He expressed that he was sorry Bob and Mandy couldn’t be there for him. Molly grabbed her boyfriend’s free arm and pulled him away to greet the rest of Jack’s family, sensing Mark would rather be left alone. 

Felix and Marzia were right behind them and walked up to Mark. Felix wrapped his arms tightly around Mark without saying a word. Marzia gently placed a hand on his arm while expressing how much Jack will be missed. Ken and Mary joined them, and Ken placed his hand on Mark’s other shoulder. Marzia and Felix moved on while Ken lingered for a moment.

“I know none of us can understand what you’re going through, but just understand that Jack made so many people’s lives better. He’d hate to see you like this.” The older man said before turning to move on with Mary right beside him. The words didn’t set in for Mark, and he simply looked up to watch them walk away. 

Mark couldn’t say anything the whole day. A horrible mixture of guilt, sadness, and utter loneliness stirred around in his stomach. Every feeling, every sensation he had that day made him want to burst, but he would have felt bad for crying. He knew it was his fault that Jack died that day. He was lost in thought and didn’t even notice that Arin and Suzy had walked up to him. 

“I don’t know what to say...” Suzy said quietly moving her gaze to the floor while tears slowly fell from her eyes. Arin wrapped his arms around her giving Mark the most apologetic look he could. Mark looked at Arin and nodded once before they slowly walked away.

Matt and Ryan were the next two people to walk up. They both paused sharing an unsure look not knowing what they should say to their half-Korean friend. Without thinking Mark hastily wrapped his arms around Matt. Matt was slightly shocked but returned the hug quickly. Mark sniffled quietly giving the younger man a gentle squeeze. 

“I want to go home now.” Mark whispered to Matt as they hugged. Mark slowly separated from the hug looking at both of them with a slight bit of hope. Matt simply nodded and grabbed Ryan’s arm to signal that they were leaving. They slipped out as quietly as they could because Mark just couldn’t deal with being around people anymore. He felt like he was being slightly rude, but he also knew if he stayed he would have started crying.

Matt and Ryan talked between each other in the front seat ignoring Mark in the back seat. He was okay with that though because it allowed him to be invisible for a while. He stared out the window and watched the scenery go by. It didn’t take long for them to get back to the house which allowed Mark to go back to his room and relax. 

Mark sat in his desk chair and scrolled through the comments on his last video which was posted the day before Jack died. All of the most recent ones were questioning where he was, if he was okay, and other concerns. He was grateful that so many people cared about him, but it didn’t help him feel better since he’s only been able to feel lonely since Jack passed.

Mark even took a moment to scroll through the comments on Jack’s last video. It was filled with the same amount of worry, concerns, and get well soon notices as Mark’s was. It hurt because none of them knew what happened. His lip trembled slightly as the feeling of even more sadness filled him.

Mark sighed and made a decision that he maybe shouldn’t have. He pulled up his recording programs and set up his camera for a “vlog.” He looked dead straight into his camera as he shakily pressed the record button. He pressed his lips tightly together slightly unsure how to start the video.

“Hey guys. I’m not sure how many of you have heard the news, but I felt like it would be best to hear it from me. I guess I still don’t believe it happened, so that’s why I wanted to talk about it.” Mark paused not knowing how to phrase this. He carefully licked his lips inside his mouth causing his lips to press tightly together once again.

“Sean McLoughlin, or Jacksepticeye as most of you would know him, passed away just a few days ago. His plane crashed when he was heading to see family back in Ireland.” Mark looked away from the camera for a moment trying not to cry. He wasn’t going to let them know what really happened, but he knew that they needed to know what’s going on.

“I felt like I should tell you guys because you have a right to know why I won’t be posting videos for a while. Jack was such a good, kind-” He had to pause for another moment as he felt a lump form in his throat. “Amazing friend that will never be forgotten. I can’t say enough good things about him and the sort of person he was.

“I really hope you guys can understand why I won’t be available for a while. I’m not sure how long, but I... Said I wasn’t going to cry during this video...” Mark said wiping tears that were now spilling from his eyes. “I’m going to come back strong because Jack wouldn’t want any of us to stay sad because of him. He believed in everyone he ever met and saw the best in them. And to his fans that watch my channel, know that he cared so much for all of his fans.

“Jack was just that sort of person. He wanted the best for all of his fans and for all of you to be happy. I respected him so much for that, and I could never repay him for everything he did. He was such a great influence, and I think everyone can agree that he was a great person to aspire to be like.” Mark turned his gaze straight to the camera as he spoke.

“It’s hard when you get to know someone, learn to truly love and appreciate someone, and then have them ripped away without getting to tell them that.” The tears were attempting to flow faster, but Mark would not allow himself to cry anymore. “That’s all I can say now, but please, please appreciate everyone you know and let them know that.  
Thank you everybody so much for watching, and as always I will see you in the next video. Buh-bye.”

And with all of that done, Mark stopped the recording. He quickly edited the video and posted it just so he could be done with it. Soon after, he dropped his head, and for the first time that day he fully allowed himself to break down. He sobbed and struggled to breath as tears stained his face, shirt, pants, and even a bit of his desk.

Mark stayed like that for a few minutes until he was able to slowly slink to his bed. He curled up under the covers before opening the YouTube app. Pulling up one of Jack’s older videos, he quietly cried himself to sleep while it played loudly. 

Mark didn’t care about anything other than Jack and how much he missed him in that moment. He wanted so badly to apologize to Jack. He wished he could wrap his arms around the small Irishman and cover his face in kisses. He curled up tighter and shook when he started to cry harder. His eyes were puffy and red which was ignored when he finally passed out. The video that he was playing ended somehow right as he drifted off to sleep.


	11. ... Hello?

It has been a little over a year since Jack passed. Mark is still having problems adjusting to him not being around. Matt and Ryan tried to help the best they could, but not much was changing. He wasn’t posting as many videos and wasn’t as energetic as he used to. 

Ever since Mark made that video, his fans gave their support which he was grateful for. He just didn’t really know how to function anymore, and he knew that Jack would be pissed at him if he knew how moppy he was being. 

Today is Halloween and Mark had opted to stay home instead of going to a party the Grumps were having. Matt and Ryan felt bad about leaving, but Mark insisted they go have fun while he passed out candy to the kids. It took quite a bit, but they left while giving sad smiles as they hopped in their car.

It didn’t take long for there to be a loud knock on the door after the two left. It felt slightly early for kids to be out, but Mark got up from the couch grabbing the large bowl of candy. He sighed trying to put on the biggest and most believable smile he could while slowly opening the front door. 

Mark couldn’t believe his eyes, and the smile faded instantaneously. The person on the other side of the door wasn’t a little kid in a costume like he expected. Instead the figure was all too familiar to him. Bright green hair that faded into a light brown color, a small round head that matched their slightly smaller frame, and wide smile that showed off the person’s teeth all of which Mark could never forget. 

It was Jack. Mark felt his heart beating out of his chest. He felt like all of this was some terrible hallucination and he was just staring at some kids in a really weird way. He didn’t know whether to hug the man in front of him or run away in fear. 

There was something different about this Jack though. His eyes weren’t as bright as they used to be and one was extremely green with a red pupil. Mark ignored that because he was beginning to shake as he could feel tears starting to fall from his eyes. Plus he just couldn't believe that Jack was standing in front of him. The devious smile on Jack’s face faded and turned rather serious from seeing Mark like that.

“Are you going to let me in or just gawk at me like an arse?” Jack asked crossing his arms over his chest. Mark moved to the side and Jack strolled into the house. He looked around the space before turning to Mark and giving him his usual smile.

“Wh- I... Is that really you Jack?” Mark asked carefully through trembling lips. He stuttered harshly unsure if he could believe the sight in front of him. Jack was exactly how Mark remembered him. He was wearing his red sweater, twelve bracelets, beanie, and ripped skinny jeans that he was the last time they saw each other.

“Who else would it be ya doof?” Jack asked back chuckling at the other’s oddness. He didn’t seem to remember what happened. Mark looked at him with such awe and pained confusion which caused Jack to raise his eyebrow in his own confusion. “What’s wrong?”

“You... you died...” Mark whispered turning his gaze to the side unable to look at the Irishman anymore. He nervously scratched his arm, crossing them lightly. “You’ve been gone for over a year...”

“Mark... What are you talking about? I was visiting my family because we had that fight.” Jack said sounding even more confused than he already was. “I told you I’d be back on Monday didn’t I?”

“You did... Do you not remember that your plane crashed?” Mark asked getting partially concerned. He looked at Jack and saw that he was being sincere when he said he didn’t remember. Mark started crying again until he felt rather long arms wrap around him. He hadn’t even noticed that Jack was now standing next to him.

“I’m sorry if I worried you.” Jack whispered tightening his grip around his boyfriend. Mark tensed in the other’s arms unsure of how to feel about this. “I swear I was gone for only a couple of days.”

Mark pulled out his phone and opened the article that broke his heart a long time ago. He showed it to Jack who broke away from Mark to read it. The younger man’s mouth fell open, and he started repeating “no”s as he opened a different app.

“I - you... It really has been a year... I can’t believe that...” Jack started shaking handing the phone back to Mark. They both stared at each other for a moment. That’s when Mark noticed the different eye that Jack had. 

“What happened to your eye? And how can you not remember dying?” Mark asked raising an eyebrow to the brunette in front of him. Jack shrugged still clearly not believing that he died.

“I don’t know. I-I remember our fight, leaving for Ireland, and waking up being dropped off at your door.” Jack said running fingers through his still bright green hair. His tone was getting rushed and panicky. 

“Jack that’s not possible... You’ve missed a whole year of your life? I’m not sure I can believe that.” Mark said moving his arms around as he spoke. “It makes absolutely no sense! No one can just forget what happened in a year especially since you were in a plane crash no one survived!”

“SHUT UP!!” Jack yelled slamming his fist down on the couch. Mark flinched and looked down to the floor whispering an apology. Jack turned and looked at the faux-redhead with tons of anger and confusion. 

“I-I should go...” Mark said before heading to his room. He was stopped by a hand gripping his arm. He turned to look at Jack who was now behind him. The American opened his mouth to say something but was stopped when they heard the front door open. 

“Mark! Ryan forgot his fake blood. Have y-” Matt was cut off when both him and Ryan saw Jack holding onto Mark’s arm. They stood there wide-eyed and mouths open. Jack slowly removed his hand from the older man and let it fall to his side.

“H-how...? Jack... Jack is that you?” Ryan asked taking a step toward his two friends. Mark and Jack both nodded looking at each other unsure how to proceed. “What happened to you?”

“Jack... Go to my room and check my YouTube channel. Watch the video that was posted a few days after you left.” Jack nodded exiting the room without looking back. Mark sighed and turned his attention to the men still in the doorway. 

Mark proceeded to explain what Jack had told him, and his friends expressed their concerns about the situation. He explained that he would be fine and that they should go back to the party so that he could handle it. Begrudgingly Matt and Ryan agreed grabbing what they came for before leaving again. He sighed lightly trying to find the courage to face Jack again.

“You in there Jack?” Mark cautiously knocked on his bedroom door. He slid it open only to be attacked with a giant hug from his green haired friend. Jack was sobbing harshly against Mark leaving tear stains on both of their shirts. 

“I-I’m so sorry Mark. I’m sorry I left, made you lonely, and caused you so much pain.” Jack shakily said through tears and sniffles. Mark began to tear up and wrap his arms around Jack. They stood there just crying and holding each other for a while. 

“Could we maybe go to bed and sort this out in the morning?” Jack asked pulling back from the hug still sniffling slightly. Mark nodded giving a sad smile to the man he loved. They changed and laid down with Jack nuzzling into Mark. 

Halfway through the night Jack awoke and headed for the bathroom with a massive headache. He stared at his reflection for a moment taking in his green eye to see that it had started bleeding. The headache quickly increased causing him to collapse to the floor. A voice very similar to his own filled his head.

“It’s my turn to take over. I know how to make Mark pay for what he did to us.” The voice said before his vision started fading. He tried to fight the darkness that was setting in, but all that caused was more pain in his head. “Don’t fight me. You know I know what’s best for us.” And with that everything faded away and went completely black.


	12. Where Did You Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Sorry about the long time between updates! I'm back and giving you a longer chapter than any other ones! 
> 
> Quick note: "Jack" = Anti because no one knows he's called that yet.

Mark woke up to an empty bed like he had so many times before. He sat up slightly looking around to see if he could find Jack. Not finding him instantly made Mark think that yesterday had only been a dream. He slowly slid out of bed and headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day. He opened the door to see Jack lying on the floor unconscious.

“JACK!” Mark yelled running to his friend’s to wake him up. “Jack” slowly opened his eyes and looked up at the man groggy and rather annoyed from the American being so loud. “What are you doing sleeping in the bathroom?!”

“I went to get some tylenol and just passed out. I’m fine.” “Jack” teared himself away from his concerned friend giving him a glare. He stood up and straightened out his shirt before leaving the bathroom. Mark chased after him still concerned. He grabbed onto the other’s arm to stop and talk with him.

“You sure you’re okay?” Mark asked really expressing how worried he was from how “Jack” was acting. The Irishman simply nodded with a roll of his eyes as he turned around. “We need to talk about yesterday.”

“What more is there to talk about? I already told you everything I remember.” Jack scoffed crossing his arms over his chest. Mark didn’t understand what was happening. When Mark didn’t say anything, “Jack” walked away leaving the faux-redhead stunned.

“Jack” entered his old office and looked around the small space. He sat in the wheely chair placing his head in his hands. So many thoughts ran through his mind as he slowly closed his eyes. Memories came flooding back over what happened this past year.

_“Flight 108 to London is now boarding.” A female voice came over the intercom. Jack stood and quickly shoved his charger and phone into his pocket while grabbing his overnight bag. He took a deep breath taking one last minute to decide whether or he should actually leave without a word. Deciding against it he moved away from the commotion slightly to dial for Mark._

_“Hey Mark. I just wanted to let you know that I’m heading back to Ireland for the weekend to clear my head. I’ll be back on Monday.” Jack said to his boyfriend’s voicemail when he didn’t pick up. He figured the other wouldn’t pick up since he purposefully snuck out in the middle of the night._

_Jack took a deep breath shoving his phone back into his pocket. He was about to turn around to get in line for boarding the plane when an arm snaked around him and a cloth was placed against his nose and mouth. Before he had the chance to react, everything went black._

There was a soft knock on the office door breaking “Jack’s” train of thought. He sighed getting up and making it over to the door. He opened it to reveal a timid Mark standing, gently scratching his arm, in front of him. “Jack” crossed his arms and started tapping his foot quickly hoping Mark would state why he was interrupting him.

“I-I just wanted to apologize for pushing you so hard… I get that this must be shock for you too…” Mark said bringing his gaze up to meet “Jack’s”. He was met with a disapproving glare to which he threw his eyes back to the floor.

“No duh it’s a shock for me! How would you feel if you came to find out you were missing a whole year of your life?!” “Jack” moved away and slammed the door in his boyfriend’s face. He paced around the room for a moment before finally slumping back into his desk chair. As he closed his eyes, with a sigh, memories started coming back once again.

_Jack awoke to a bucket of water being splashed in his face. His eyes opened wide with fear because he found himself tied to a chair in an unfamiliar place. There was a tall man with dirty blonde hair, a disturbing smirk, and dark green eyes, standing in front of him, holding an empty bucket._

_“Hello JackSepticEye.” The way the man dragged out his name made him cringe back in fear. He adjusted in the chair, testing his restraints. The man chuckled lowly. Jack’s eyes grew wider slowly realizing the situation he was in._

_“W-what do you want?” Jack shakily asked, leaning back to straighten his back. The man laugh sickeningly placing the bucket down by his feet before kicking it to the side. He inched closer to the Irishman, placing his hands on Jack’s cheeks, bringing his face close._

_“Nothing… Absolutely nothing… From you...” The man seemed to have a slightly thick, French accent. The cackle that came from his lips made Jack shut his eyes tightly. His body started shaking ever so slightly. “Just want to have some fun.”_

_Jack’s shaking grew increasingly worse. He didn’t know if he should say something or just sit there in continued silence. The man made the decision for him. Hands wrapped around his throat and closed tightly around his windpipe._

_“Jack let me take over. Everything will be all better if I get control.” A strange voice, similar to his own, filled his head. The other man’s grip tightened harshly and breathing became increasingly difficult._

_“COME ON! LET ME OUT! I CAN SAVE US!” Jack started to lose consciousness as the voice echoed through his head. He didn’t want to, but he allowed the voice to take over and let his eyes to slide shut._

The memories started to effect “Jack”. He felt like he was going to throw up. His throat was drier than a dessert, but he couldn’t bring himself to get out of the chair. He also didn’t want to face Mark in the slightest.

_“Jack” wasn’t sure how long it’s been since he’d been here. He just knew it was way too long. Months filled with torture and pain were taking their toll on him. He could feel scars forming that would never disappear._

_“Mmrf!” “Jack” bit harshly into his shirt to muffle any sound that escaped as he popped his thumbs out of their sockets. This allowed him to easily slip out of the restraints. He reset his thumbs in order to speed recovery before heading for the door. His small duffle bag was lying near the door, which he grabbed, against his better judgment._

_Everything went by in a blur. “Jack” didn’t pay attention to where he was, he just knew where he was going. Home. He hated what Mark had done before he left, but it was the only place he’d feel safe. Many hours of negotiation and travel later, “Jack” stepped onto the driveway and took in the view._

_Here it was. The house. “Jack” took a deep breath as the edges of his lips lifted slightly in a sad smile. Accepting his fate, he allowed his consciousness to fade. A voice started taking over his thoughts which he quickly accepted, setting his bag down on the concrete._

_“Thanks for giving me some time in the sun… Let me do something for you.” “Jack” said as he slowly allowed his eyes to fall shut. A small smile still adorned his lips. “We don’t need you remembering all of that shite.”_

“Jack’s” head ached horribly. He rubbed his closed eyes lightly hoping to relieve the slightest amount of pain. He had gotten distracted by a buzz next to him. His gaze shifted to his phone that was lying right next to him. He had received a text. Groaning slightly he looked at the message.

**Mark: “I left some food by the door if you got hungry. Don’t worry, it won’t go bad. It’s just some cold pizza.”**

“Jack” ignored the message placing his phone back on the table. He allowed his head to fall back, stretching out his neck. His hand travelled up to feel the exposed skin, noting slight scars. Fingernails had punctured his neck, just deep enough to make the impressions last. He let out a shaky breath as his hand travelled up farther, just enough to rest his chin in his palm.

_Jack opened his eyes to see that he had passed out in his driveway. His memory was slightly fuzzy but didn’t seem to care. He saw the front of the house, causing a smile to spread across his face. He couldn’t explain why, but he was so happy that he was going to see Mark._

_Jack walked up to the house looking at the bare front door. He could hear children running around near him and he quickly closed in on the door. He lifted his fist and gently tapped on the door waiting for Mark to open the door._

_“Jack” slowly got up from the chair taking a deep breath. Reliving what happened took everything out of him. He looked at the time and saw that he had spent the whole day remembering everything. He opened the door to find a plate of cold pizza sitting at his feet, just like Mark said there’d be. Realizing how hungry he was he quickly devoured the slice and placed the plate in the kitchen._

“Jack” attempted to find Mark, just to have an idea of where the other was. The older man wasn’t in the kitchen, the living room, his office, or the bathroom. “Jack” quietly opened the bedroom door to see a figure lying in the bed. Assuming it was Mark, he changed into his pj’s and slipped into bed to hopefully get some sleep after everything.

Mark looked one last time at the man lying in bed next to him. This wasn’t his Jack. He didn’t know if he had ever been, but he just wanted his happy, kind, energetic fiance back. He turned over and clung to the edge of the bed trying to get as far away from the other that was already asleep. He fell asleep surprisingly quickly despite everything that has happened to him recently.


	13. Forever Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Look who's back after who knows how long! I wrote a very very long chapter as the start up of this story again. I'm very sorry I've been gone for so long. I missed this story a lot and will try to write more often, but I'm not going to set a schedule for posting because that's what made me loose interest last time. But I am again sorry for being gone so long, so I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

_Mark stared at the empty, unmade bed realizing Jack wasn’t there. He wandered around the empty house for a long time noticing that the Irishman was nowhere to be seen. The only evidence that he showed up to the house at all that day was the large amount of water that still clung to the walls in the shower._

_He walked out the front door in disbelief to see the street completely empty as the sun was slowly rising over the horizon. There was a chill that rushed by with the morning wind. It felt somehow peaceful even with Mark’s thoughts running a mile a minute._

_Jack had just been returned to him and in an instant he was torn away again. Mark had finally been getting back to normal, or at least as close to normal as he thought he could be after Jack left the first time. Now he was hurting all over again with no trail to follow._

The feelings that ran through Mark that day, continued to haunt him everyday, and he would replay the day before that too to see what he could have done differently. The younger man had left without a single word. No text or missed call this time. Mark was completely alone again without getting to talk about what happened to him.

“He’s not going to come back is he?” Mark snapped out of his thoughts as Bob started to talk to him. Mark shrugged thankful that his friends were there for him. Although he felt bad that he has been nothing but a mope for about a year and a half straight.

“My hopes aren’t high since it’s already been three months.” Mark admitted looking down at his mug of coffee. Wade placed a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder taking a slow sip from the mug in his hand.

“But this was how long you ignored him that while ago when you realized you loved him. Maybe he’s just trying to give you a taste of your own medicine.” Bob shrugged taking a quick drink from the coffee he had in front of him.  
Right after that was said, Mark’s phone buzzed loudly against the table. Mark jumped and fumbled with his phone not paying attention to who it was as he answered. Bob gave him an ‘I told you so’ look to which Mark rolled his eyes.

“Hello?” Mark answered cautiously. There was a woman’s voice on the other end that started asking him questions. “Yes this is Mark Fischbach. Yeah I know a Sean Mcloughlin.” Mark was getting rather confused as to what was going on.

“We just wanted to let you know that Sean has admitted himself into the Gateways Hospital and Mental Health Center.” The woman on the other line stated causing Mark to freeze and go wide-eyed. “We encourage you to come visit him since he continues to ask about you.”

“O-okay. I’ll come in later today.” Mark stuttered out still unsure of what to think. The lady muttered a thank you before hanging up. Bob and Wade looked at him confused to which Mark tried to explain what just happened.

“So Jack checked himself into a psych ward?” Wade questioned trying to understand what happened. Mark simply nodded slowly with his gaze locked on the table because he couldn’t believe it himself.

“Do you want us to go with you?” Bob asked placing his hand lightly on Mark’s shoulder. Mark shook his head, lifting it to look at his friend. He tried his best to force a smile and show his friends he would be fine on his own.

However, Mark had no idea what he was getting into. He so desperately wanted to have Bob come with him, but that wouldn’t have been fair for him to ask that of his friends. He had already gotten so much support from them that it felt rude to ask them to do even more for him. He didn’t want to continue to ruin their vacation.

Mark took a deep breath and stood up from the table. He gave Bob and Wade a little cash to cover his coffee and said he’d meet them back at the house tonight. He turned and headed for the door and exited without another word.

He sat in his car for a moment just trying to process what had happened. He started the car and slowly accepted his decision as he peeled away from the small cafe. It didn’t take him as long as he thought it would to make it to the hospital. He walked in taking in the small space of the hospital.

“Hello! Can I help you?” The receptionist had a rather large smile on her face as she greeted Mark when he approached the desk. Mark forced another smile onto his face as he moved closer to place his hands on the desk.

“Yeah. I’m here to see Sean Mcloughlin. I’m his... um... ex-fiance. I was his emergency contact.” Mark said as the receptionist nodded and started typing on her computer. Mark’s eyes wandered the mostly pale beige room listening to the typing next to him.

“Here it is. Yes. He’s in solitary, but he has been asking to speak with you.” She bit at her lip unsure of how to proceed. She’s never had someone come in to visit a solitary patient. “I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do here, but I’m not sure that letting you see him will be that much harm. He’s in room 503. It’s down that hallway third door on the left.”

Mark smiled and nodded making his way down the slightly darkened hallway. He took a deep breath as he slowly opened the door to 503. He walked in and shut the door behind him before turning to face the other in the room.

“Oh! Look who it is!” “Jack” was sitting on the floor of the small, padded room. He was wearing a straightjacket and a sickly smile on his face. Both of his eyes were now that ‘septic’ green color with red pupils.

“Jack?” Mark asked as his eyebrows furrowed in concern. Jack simply chuckled, standing up gracefully for having no use of his hands. He slowly started taking a few steps toward the other who backed up at the same speed.

“Not anymore.” The smirk on the Irishman’s face grew which caused a sinking feeling in Mark’s stomach. “Jack” cocked his head to the side to take in Mark’s expression. He relished in the other’s agonized expression.

“T-then who are you? And where’s Jack?” Mark backed himself against the wall as the mysterious person kept making his advances. He visibly gulped as panic and unease continued to overtake his thoughts.

“Oh, we haven’t done proper introductions yet! I’m Anti.” He attempted to hold his hand out to shake Mark’s but was stopped immediately by the restrictive garment on his chest. He chuckled darkly relaxing his arms. “And he’s right in here with us.”

Mark gave a confused expression. His gaze wandered the room once again to confirm that he and “Anti” were the only two in the room. Anti looked at him with only devious satisfaction. “What do you mean?” Mark asked cautiously.

“He’s right up here, watching everything we’re doing right now. I think he’s enjoying the show.” Anti snickered bringing his head down to his head to attempt to point at his brain. Mark’s eyes went wide with realization.

Jack had an alternate personality that had taken over all of his actions. How had Mark not realized this sooner. It would explain why he had acted so weird those few months ago. “You aren’t Jack. You’re just someone that is holding him hostage.”

“Is THAT what you really think happened? He needed me and I was there for him, unlike you. When he was dying from the fight you had had, I saved his life. You had only hurt him. He was kidnapped and tortured for over a year, and where were you?! You figured he died and gave up looking for him without even a second thought.” Anti’s expression had turned from a evil smile to pure rage. As soon as Mark saw his expression drop, fear took over all other emotions. Mark felt tears start to threaten to fall from the corner of his eyes.

“I didn’t mean for all of this to happen... I just want my old Jack back. I want to go back to the bachelor party and never let that girl kiss me. She was a fan that got very drunk at the bar we were at and she got too handsy. I should have stopped it sooner.” Tears slowly ran down Mark’s cheeks as all the regret he had for these past two years had boiled to the surface. “I know it’s too late to say I’m sorry, but I am. I wanna go back and fix everything and just tell you how much I love you; how much I’ve always loved you.”

“Ha! You really think that that will change anything at this point?” Anti laughed again as he shook his head. His head turned down to face the floor, but his eyes stayed on  
Mark. His brows furrowed together suddenly before he started to talk to himself. “What’s that Jack? You want me to tell him that? But.... Fine.”

Mark was extremely unsure of what to do he slowly edged for the door as the other’s attention seemed focused on something else. When his eyes moved back to the green haired man, he was in Mark’s face. He had moved without making a sound.

“Trying to leave are we?” Anti asked eyeing Mark’s hand on the doorknob. The devilish grin, on a face identical to Jack’s, made Mark want to start crying again. He bit his lip in order to stop that from happening. “But we’re not done here. Don’t you want to hear what Jack wants to say?”

Mark bit harder into his lip. He was leaning against the door harshly and escape was right in his hand. Although, if Anti isn’t lying, Mark wanted to hear what Jack had to say. Before he could decide, Anti made eye contact with him. Mark watched as one of the Irishman’s eyes slowly turned back to the light blue that the faux redhead had always known. The expression on Anti’s face suddenly softened.

“Mark. It’s me. I know it probably seems too good to be true, but I swear it’s me.” The person in front of Mark seemed to sound more like Jack than the person that had been talking just a moment ago. Mark turned the knob in his hand slightly as he regrettably listened to the other. “I forgive you. I do. Don’t listen to Anti. I won’t have control for long but know I still love you too and always will.”

Mark stared in shock for a moment but didn’t have much time to react before Jack’s eyes turned back into the green with red pupils. “That bitch! He should know that I saved him and am the best thing for him! How dare he forgive you for the shite you did!” Anti shouted as Mark hurriedly left and slammed the door behind himself.


	14. The Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of this chapter is set the day before the events in chapter 13 and is told in mostly flashbacks like chapter 12. The flashbacks are set in between chapters 6 and 7. Sorry if there is any confusion. I tried to explain it the best I could in the non-flashback section. I am also sorry for most of the recent chapters being set in flashbacks. 
> 
> I’d love feedback on whether or not you guys like the fluff. It’ll let me know if I should start writing it more often and add it to later chapters. I hope you all enjoy!

Mark hated sitting alone thinking over everything that happened between him and Jack. He still loved Jack beyond anyone’s comprehensible imagination. He missed everything about the Irishman, and would often spend too much time remembering what had happened and the things that went wrong. 

Mark very rarely remembered the good things that happened during their time together. It hurt too much and just reminded him of how much he had messed things up. He laid on his bed staring up at the ceiling as the memory of the first time they met up after agreeing to start a romantic relationship with each other played through his mind. Mark had gone to Ireland for Jack’s birthday so that they could spend it together.

_ Mark, with a small bouquet of flowers in hand, walked up the short flight of stairs that ended near Jack’s apartment. He took a short deep breath before knocking on the door with three sharp strikes. A few moments later, the door opened in a hurried fashion to reveal a tired, slightly grungy looking, Jack.  _

_ Jack blinked for a moment as his brain tried to process the view in front of him. Mark, dressed rather nicely with flowers gripped lightly in his right hand, was now standing in his doorway. He flushed and tried to hide his slight “grossness” with the door. “What are you doing here Mark?” _

_ Mark chuckled lightly at the other’s embarrassment. “We’ve been talking for a few weeks about me coming to visit. We decided that I’d come this weekend for your birthday.” He said offering the carnations to Jack. The slightly shorter man hesitantly took the small bundle of brightly colored flowers.  _

_ “Yes... I... I just thought it was next weekend. I guess I didn’t remember that my birthday was this close. I don’t have the flat very clean...” Jack said as his eyes went from Mark to the inside of his apartment. He chuckled nervously as he opened the door a little more to let Mark inside. Mark simply laughed. _

_ “You really think I care about something like that? That I’d care about a little mess. I know you don’t like messes anyway, so it’s probably not as bad as you think.” Mark said walking into the entryway backwards to keep eye contact with Jack. He turned around to confirm his suspicions which were, in fact, true. The apartment seemed completely spotless to Mark as he scanned it multiple times to make sure. “What did I tell you. This place is spotless!” _

_ Jack sighed happily as he shut and locked the door. Mark turned and looked Jack over. He was wearing a loose hoodie and an equally loose pair of sweatpants. He almost seemed like he had been recording a video, and Mark had just interrupted his gameplay. Jack followed the other’s gaze to look over his clothing. The redness in his cheeks deepened as he realized what he must look like.  _

_ “Since I - uh - forgot you were coming, I’m not very dressed up and have a pizza on the way.” Jack said looking back towards the door. Mark pulled the smaller man into a tight hug, almost crushing the flowers he brought.  _

_ “That doesn’t matter to me. I’ll buy the pizza when it gets here since it is your birthday tomorrow. I’ll go put on the pajamas I packed so that we can curl up and watch a movie here together.” Mark started heading for the bedrooms. He paused and turned to look at Jack to point him in the right direction.  _

_ Jack chuckled lightly. “You can set up in my bedroom. It’s the up the stairs and the last door on the left.” Mark nodded before disappearing out of sight. Jack moved to the kitchen to put the white carnations in the small vase he had in the back of a cabinet. _

_ Mark walked quietly up the flight of stairs with a smile plastered on his face. He pushed open the door to reveal Jack’s bedroom. He threw his backpack on to the bed and removed his shirt. He tossed that next to his bag and unzipped the zipper closest to him. He unbuttoned his jeans and let those fall to the floor. He folded them and placed them on top of his shirt. He drew out a white tank top and pair of sweatpants. He slipped the pants on and was about to do the same with the tank top when the door behind him opened.  _

_ “Oh! I’m so sorry. I thought you’d be done.” Jack said using a free hand to cover his eyes and the blush began to dust his cheeks. Mark looked back at the brunette as he adjusted the tank top in his hands. He noticed that the other had a vase of flowers in his hands.  _

_ “Sorry. I had trouble finding my sweatpants in my bag.” Jack looked at the small backpack that didn’t seem like it could hold much more than a change of clothes. He chuckled moving towards his dresser to place the small vase on the wooden surface.  _

_ “Somehow I doubt that it would take you that long to find anything in that bag.” Jack noted motioning his head towards the backpack on his bed. Mark laughed sliding on the tank top; then, he turned to look at the bouquet of flowers that sat on the antique dresser. He smiled softly as he moved over to pull Jack into a hug. _

_ The two YouTubers stood there for a moment just enjoying each other’s presence when the doorbell rang throughout the apartment. They both appeared startled for a moment before Jack broke from Mark’s grip and ran downstairs. He could hear the doorbell once more before the door opened.  _

_ Mark threw his old clothes into his backpack before heading down the stairs. He entered the main floor to see Jack holding a large pizza box and in the process of closing the door. He headed for the kitchen to place the box on the counter. _

_ “I thought I was going to buy the pizza.” Mark followed Jack into the kitchen as he started to search for plates. Jack opened the box and easily grabbed two plates from the cabinet farthest from Mark. Mark looked into the cabinet he opened and found glasses.  _

_ “You can get the next one. Deal?” Jack asked plating himself two large slices of pepperoni pizza. Mark looked back at Jack as he filled the glasses with water to flash a smirk at the slightly smaller man. Mark moved over by Jack so he could put a slice on his plate. _

_ They moved to the living room and flopped on the couch. Mark took a sip from his cup as Jack started searching for a movie on netflix. After slight arguments, some horror movie began playing while Jack munched on his first slice of pizza. _

_ At almost an hour and half into the movie, their stomachs were full of pizza and were cuddling close on the couch. Mark looked at Jack whose eyes were glued excitedly to the screen and sighed softly. Jack looked back at Mark fearing that something was wrong.  _

_ “I really like you. I hope you know that.” Mark said pulling Jack close with his arms wrapping around the other’s shoulders. Jack’s face reddened as he tried to focus on the movie playing on the screen. “I know it’s probably to early to say this, but I think I -” _

_ “Watch the screen! This is my favorite part!” Jack interrupted taking the remote to turn the volume up. He knew what Mark was about to say, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear it from the American. “Plus the movie is almost over! Don’t want to ruin the ending do you?” _

_ Mark chuckled. He turned Jack slightly so that they were looking at one another. He place a very light kiss on the other’s forehead. “You’re going to listen when I say this.” Mark smiled softly as Jack stared in slight shock. “I love you and nothing could ever change that.” _

_ They stared at each other for a moment as the credits began to roll across the television screen. Their lips connected in a heated passion as one of Mark’s hands moved to the back of Jack’s neck. They moved closer to each other in order to press their bodies tightly together.  _

_ They broke from the kiss, and their gaze met for a moment. Mark was the first one to let out a small chuckle which broke their eye contact. Jack looked at him slightly confused with a small amount of offense. Mark separated from the other’s grasp in order to explain. “I was just thinking of how if someone had told me like 3 years ago that we’d be like this now, I would’ve just written them off as an insane fangirl.”  _

_ As Jack processed what Mark just said, he realized he agreed and began laughing alongside the slightly older man. Mark sighed deeply as he leaned back against the couch and simply watched the other laugh. When Jack calmed down, he leaned against the couch as well to rest his head against the soft surface.  _

_ Mark pulled Jack close so the younger man could rest his head on his shoulder. Mark placed a small kiss on the other’s temple. He gently sighed resting his head against a green poof of hair. Jack closed his eyes. He wasn’t sure he could ever be this happy. He couldn’t remove the smile plastered on his face as he drifted off to sleep. _

Mark came out of the dream with cold tear streaks covering his cheeks. He sat up on his bed in a slight fog. He blinked a few times as he tried to avoid crying again. That memory of Jack still felt so vivid. Like it just happened yesterday, not years ago. He took a deep breath and crawled under his covers. He was going to have to get a lot of sleep if he was going to be able to face Bob and Wade tomorrow. 


	15. *Update*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not an official chapter! I just need to ask some questions about the direction of this story.

I'm so sorry that it's been a very long time since I've updated this story, but I was thinking about what couple of ways I could take the next chapter. I wanted to ask you guys to put your opinions in the comments before I made any direct decisions. I have the outline of the chapter set up and plans on how to move forward so don't feel bad about your opinion on this.

So the choices are completely ending the story after this next chapter (like I'll post the next chapter and just be done with the story), or write a few more chapters (like 3-4 more unless I get more ideas depending on what way you want me to go) and end it with either a very bittersweet / depressing ending or going all the way to make it a very fluffy or happy ending. 

Like I said, don't feel bad about what ever choice you want. I have ideas for all of those paths, and since we are most likely getting to the end, I wanted to give you guys some control over what happens next. I'll have this chapter up until the day before I post the new chapter, so you have about a week to put your vote into the comments. I'm really excited to hear your opinions. Also if you have any questions, you can post them in the comments too. Feel free to ask anything!


	16. Messing With The Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Look who's finally back with the official chapter 15! The unanimous decision across the board was to have a happy ending which I plan to deliver! It's going to take a bit to get to that point, but I did officially post the chapter limit. We're getting closer to the end, and I'm so glad so many of you have stayed with the story after all the problems I've had!

Mark sat in his room in the dark and quietly sobbed to himself. He couldn’t believe he lost Jack again. The events of this morning had taken everything out of him. He swore that just the worry and guilt he had for Jack would be the death of him.

Mark had to get over Jack. It was the only way he could try to get back to normal. But letting go seemed harder when he knew that Jack wasn’t dead. He fell back against his bed with his eyes stinging from the tears. He took a deep breath and promised himself he was going to change. 

*********

Two years seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Mark had become so numb after the encounter at the mental institute that his friends were genuinely surprised when he began to recover from his fog. Two years finally seemed like enough time to let go. Mark had even slightly surprised himself by his resiliency after the last encounter.

Rumors spread that Jack had escaped or checked himself out of the hospital which Mark ignored. He didn’t want to have hope that he might see Jack again. He wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him again. He had finally started putting his life back together, and he wasn’t going to let some small rumor change that. 

Unfortunately, Mark didn’t know that Jack was panicking and wasn’t sure what to do after checking himself out. He was having problems controlling Anti, and wasn’t sure what he’d do if his evil side gained complete control again. 

He wasn’t sleep or eating. He had no money to fly to Ireland and be with family. He was also certain that Mark wouldn’t want to see him again after everything Anti had said. Keeping Anti away was a struggle as well. It was a struggle to decide his next move. 

Unsure of what other options he had, he headed to see Mark. He hoped that facing his anxieties head on would help him get rid of Anti once and for all. Though, the thought terrified him extremely. He wasn’t sure how Mark was going to react. 

_ “What the hell do you think you’re doing?! Going to the man that has caused you so much hurt these past few years?! That is the stupidest decision you have ever made.”  _ A voice shouted in his head. Anti was trying to talk him out of seeing Mark. 

“He might know what I can do about you though... Plus I still do love him.” Jack said aloud as he walked up the front steps of Mark’s old house. It seemed odd that he was still living there, but it made it easy for Jack to find him. 

When he knocked on the door, flashbacks of those few years ago overtook his mind. It seemed so much longer since Anti first appeared in his life. Images of him and Mark when they were actually happy together filled his head. A goofy grin tugged at the corners of his lips. He missed all the happy memories. 

_ “Don’t go getting all nostalgic on my ass after all the shit we’ve been through. I’ll make you puke, and you know I can do that. You deserve so much better than that fucker and you should think that too.”  _ Anti’s voice rang through Jack’s  head once again. He wasn’t going to dignify his evil side with a response this time.

Jack stood in front of the door still waiting for a response. A few minutes passed before his head hung in slight sadness. He lifted his and knocked on the door once again. This time the door opened ever so slightly to show that it was unlocked. Against his better judgment, he peeked into the darkened house with hesitation. 

“Mark?” Jack called meekly out to the darkness. There was no stirring or any noise to tell that anyone was home. He slowly entered the house and stood in the middle of the entryway. He felt something soft and heavy crash into him. It almost took him down. “Chica?”

The golden retriever had put her paws up on the familiar person’s stomach. She hadn’t seen him in a long time, so Jack was surprised that she recognized him. She was rather excited to see him since she had missed him. 

“You silly dog. I missed you too sweetie.” Jack went down on his knees to pet the dog who in return started licking his face. It’s been a long time since Jack was this happy for any reason. He felt tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He stood up with a sniffle and went to the living room before planting himself on the couch. 

Jack sat there crying for what felt like forever. He didn’t deserve the happiness he felt with Chica or to even see Mark again. He was given too much time to think about all of his problems because he cried until the moment he heard Mark open the front door. 

“Hey Mark...” A soft, familiar voice asked in the darkness. Mark’s eyes went wide and he completely froze in place. His ears had to be wrong. Jack. The irish accent was unmistakable, but... but it just couldn’t be him.

“...... Jack? Please tell me it’s not you.” Mark gently dragged a hand down his face but left it resting on his mouth. He reached for the light switch and flipped it on rather quickly. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness, but when the room came into view, Jack could be seen messing with the fabric of the couch.

“I’m sorry... I just didn’t know where else to go...” Jack looked away with shame covering his face. He scratched at his arm for only a moment before they became loosely crossed. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now.”

“You are the last person I wanted to see for the rest of my life.” Mark said through tightly gritted teeth. The anger and pain of the past few years welled to the surface and was now coming out in a explosion of pent up emotion. He had never felt like he was allowed to feelings on the topic of his relationship with Jack after he blamed himself for Jack’s “death.”

“That seems a little harsh...” Jack made eye contact with the half-korean. Pain was the only emotion that showed in both of their eyes. Mark closed his eyes and started to turn to leave hoping that this was just some sick dream. “Where are you going?”

“To bed. I’m not in the mood to deal with you... and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll be gone before I get up.” Mark only paused in his steps to say that. He didn’t turn to look at Jack at all. His resolve would break if he saw the obvious expression the other was bound to have in that moment. 

All Mark heard was a small sob before he was too far away. He took a shaky breath as he changed for bed and crawled under the covers. He hoped Jack would take his advice because he didn’t know what would happen if they had to spend anymore time together. 

The next morning Mark awoke to the sound of soft snoring. The breathing pattern and sound made it clear who it was. Mark sprung to a sitting position to look for the source of the noise. The person in question was nowhere to be seen. 

Groaning, Mark got up from the bed and headed for his door. The snoring was getting louder. He opened the door to see Jack curled in a ball, sleeping in the hallway. He shook his head before leaning down to pick up the smaller man. He placed him on the bed before heading out of the room and down the hall. 

This was all too much for Mark to think about. He wasn’t sure what to do. He ran a hand through his hair before going to make coffee. He figured he and Jack could talk more once the younger man woke up. Not that he really wanted to talk about this. He had finally moved on from all the stuff that happened with Jack. It felt wrong to even want to work things out between them... No matter how much he will always love Jack. 


	17. What's Left?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look who's back with another chapter! This one and the next are going to have quite a bit of angst, but the ending with be the happiest thing I've ever written. I hope you guys enjoy though!!

Mark waited silently in the living room. He had a mug of coffee in his hand while lying comfortably on the couch. The more time he was given to think about everything, the more confused he was about the whole situation. The only thing that was certain was the fact that Jack was now back in his life, and that didn’t feel like a good thing. 

Hours passed where Mark just stared at a wall or the ceiling. He went through about four cups of coffee and was now nearly downing his fifth. The caffeine was causing his mind to work overtime and assume the worst of the inevitable confrontation with Jack. 

It was then that Mark heard noises coming from his room upstairs. He was greeted first by Chica who came bounding down the stairs. A smile grew on his face as he began to pet her. Jack appeared from around the corner and stood awkwardly in the threshold of the living room. 

“Good morning...” Mark was the first to speak as he took a small sip from the mug. He watched Jack’s nervous movements as he made room for the other on the couch. Though, Jack refused to sit. “How’d you sleep? There should also be some coffee left if you want some.”

Jack just shook his head which was weird since Jack always loved a cup of coffee. “I slept okay for once. Thank you by the way... I was surprised to wake up in your bed.” Jack finally made eye contact. He wasn’t able to read Mark’s expression to know if he should leave.

“That’s good… You’re welcome too… I couldn’t imagine the floor being comfortable unless you were chica who can sleep anywhere.” Mark rolled his eyes finishing off the rest of his coffee. He heard Jack laugh which surprised him. He couldn’t believe how much he missed that sound. 

When Mark looked up at Jack with slight shock, the younger man looked away ashamed, assuming that he had done something wrong. He hated making Jack feel that way, but he also knew that there was nothing he could do. He was too scared to admit that he still wanted Jack. He couldn’t admit to himself how much he just wanted everything to go back to the way it was three years ago. 

“Is there anything left of what we had to salvage? I know it’s too much to ask you to forgive and ignore everything that’s happened, but somehow being around you, gives me strength to hold Anti at bay.” Jack’s eyes were filled with distress but somehow also contained hope. 

Mark rubbed his face softly as he tried to think through his options. He still loved Jack beyond all reason, but the pain that they put each other through also seemed like a good reason to kick Jack out of his house right then and there. 

“I just don’t know if we… if I should be around you. It’s been extremely hard to try and work through you being gone.” Mark paused as his eyes scanned Jack’s face. The shorter man ran a hand through his hair when he felt tears well in his eyes.

“I know. I know… I’m sorry… for everything… I don’t know if there’s anything else I can say, or anything else I want to say.” Jack said as Mark moved toward the kitchen. He followed close behind to continue this conversation. 

“I don’t know if that helps. Things between us are just way too complicated. I don’t know how to make it better.” Mark said as he washed out his mug from earlier. He looked up to see Jack’s hurt and pained expression. The older man’s heart sank as he turned back to his busy work. 

“I… I understand… I think… But I also know that I can’t be without you. Especially now with Anti still in my head.” Jack said crossing his arms lightly. He scratched his arm unsure of how to proceed with Mark. “Please. I need you to help me. I can’t hear Anti in my head when I’m around you. Please. I love you so much.” 

“No. We can’t do this to ourselves. We need to leave this all behind. We need to move on with our lives. We need to realise we’re just poison to each other.” Mark said turning his back to Jack while the water still ran from the faucet next to him. 

“So what are you saying? Are you saying you’ve already moved on?” Jack choked out through soft sobs. He couldn’t stop himself from crying anymore. He just wanted Mark to hold him again and tell him everything was going to be okay. It was hard to admit that he just wished everything could go back to how it was. “Mark please don’t do this…”

“I think you should leave. It’s not good for either of us if you’re here. We need to do ourselves a favor and forget that we ever met.” Mark said leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms out stretched. He didn’t look at Jack as he heard footsteps retreat toward the front door. Mark did follow behind him though. To make sure the door locked behind him. 

Jack watched the door slowly close behind him as Mark looked away. Neither were showing any emotion besides regret. Whether it was because of what was just said, all the years apart, or the things that have caused so much pain. 

_ “What did I fucking tell you?! He doesn’t give a shit about you. I hope you realize that this is why you need me.”  _ Anti’s voice shouted in his head. His voice was louder and more overpowering than it has been since the incident in the bathroom. Jack felt himself losing control the farther he was from Mark. 

Jack’s breathing sped up as fear took over in his mind. He didn’t want to lose Mark again, and he especially didn’t want Anti to take over. He began to cry from feeling so helpless. He had nowhere to go and Mark never wanted to see him again. He might as well check himself back into the mental hospital at this point. 

_ “Don’t you dare take us back to that depressing hell hole. Your emotional state is deteriorating, and I will make sure we never go back.” _ Anti’s voice growled into his head as he felt a pull. He had enough control to force Jack to not go where he wanted to. Especially with what little control Jack held himself. 

Jack hoped that Mark was feeling better than he was in that moment. He couldn’t believe the stress and conflict that has happened. He hated causing Mark as much pain as he had. He loved him. He needed him still. 

Little did Jack know, Mark was crying too. He was unable to hold back anymore of the regret he held after their conversation. He loved Jack. He needed him. No matter how crazy that made him feel. He knew he shouldn’t think about him anymore, but Jack made it literally impossible to forget him.

Mark sat with his back against his front door. He rested his head against the hard, cold wood as tears dripped from his eyes to the floor or his shirt. His mind tried to process everything that happened just a few moments ago. The tears slowed as Mark tried to force himself up off the floor. 

Mark wandered around the again empty house with Chica right by his side. It somehow felt darker and quieter than normal. He felt like just going back to bed, even after all the cups of coffee he had. His feet kept moving as he headed for his bedroom.

When Mark walked into his room, he found the bed made like no one but him had been up there today. As he looked around the room, he saw the only picture he kept of him and Jack was sitting on his dresser. He usually kept it under his pillow, so it was odd to see it there. 

Mark picked it up on his way to his bed. He gripped it tightly in his hand as he slowly sat on the soft covers. He felt tears wanting to pour again. He looked down at the picture in his hand. It brought him comfort to hold onto that picture, but it was the one thing that kept holding him back and connected to Jack. He shakily swallowed back his tears as he leaned over and let it slip from his hand and into the trash. 


	18. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this has taken me way too long to get posted. School had gotten hectic, and I had no time to work on it. Finals are here and stress is being lifted. Chapters should be rolling out with ease in the next few months. 
> 
> I'm getting surgery in the next few days, but after that I will have nothing to do but write. Knowing You Hurts Worse is ending, but I'm going to start some new projects. If anyone has any specific things they want to see from me, feel free to put them in the comments. 
> 
> To make up for my long break, I have been making the chapters a lot longer. Thank you guys so much for putting up with my breaks, and I hope you enjoy!

Four days went by, and Mark was certain that that was the last time he was ever going to see Jack. It seemed like wishful thinking though since Jack had come back into his life after so many seemingly impossible circumstances. 

Mark sat drinking a cup of coffee on his couch. After these past few days he had wished he could still drink like he used to. He knew it would help his situation, but it would at least dull the pain that came from seeing Jack. 

A knock on his front door dragged Mark from his comfortable seat. He set his mug on the counter as he passed by the kitchen. He took a deep breath as he opened the door. Before he even had a chance to see that it was Jack, he pushed pass Mark and rushed into the house. 

“Hey...” Jack said as Mark closed the door. He couldn’t believe Jack was back, let alone that he was acting so calm about it. Mark groaned as he started making his way toward the living room. He hoped that this was some awful coffee induced dream. 

“I can’t believe you came back. Why are you here? I told you to go away. I didn’t want you to come back.” Mark was scared. Scared of hurting Jack, anything to do with Anti, and what he really wanted to say to Jack. He had difficulty breathing.

Jack followed Mark’s ever move. Mark moved to the living room and Jack was right behind him. It made him frustrated. He felt like he had a little puppy he didn’t want following him around. His rage peaked as he turned to face Jack. 

“I need you to go. I can’t handle you being here. Do you realize what you do to me?” Mark said crossing his arms. He hated that he had to keep treating Jack like this. It felt harsh and mean, but there was nothing else that Mark could figure would help them. 

“Mark stop. Please stop. I need help. That’s all I want. I promise I’ll leave as soon as you help me.” Their eyes connected as tears started falling from Jack’s eyes. They held their breaths. Neither was certain what move the other was going to make.

“What do you honestly expect me to do to help you?” Mark had to look away to stop himself from crying. He couldn’t look at the pain covering Jack’s face. “If you won’t go... Then I will. We can’t do this to ourselves anymore. We aren’t good for each other. It’s worse for us to keep trying.”

“I need you to help me get through this! Anti is taking everything out of me. Don’t turn your back on me now!” Jack shouted as he watched Mark head for the door. He heard a harsh slam that left him alone in the house. 

Mark sat down on the steps outside his door. He gently rubbed his temples. He rocked slowly back and forth as he felt his whole body begin to shake. This was rather frightening to Mark. He wasn’t sure if he could handle it anymore.

He had this argument with himself over and over again. They have had this same fight so many times. It felt redundant to keep saying the same things to Jack and himself, but he wasn’t sure what else there was to do.  

“Mark! Wait!” It was Jack. Jack had opened the door behind him and was running toward where he assumed Mark was heading. Unfortunately, he was stopped as he tripped over Mark who was sitting right in front of the door. 

Mark stayed sitting with a mixture of shock and pain covering his face. A hand went back to rub where Jack had kicked him as he tripped. Jack blinked a few times. He scrambled to his feet as he now stood in front of Mark. 

“I thought you had left me again…” Jack trailed off looking down at his feet. It wasn’t until then that he realized his knees and arms were scuffed and bleeding from the way he landed. He ignored it though as he looked back up at Mark. 

“I thought about it, but that’s not important right now… Let’s get you inside and cleaned up because those injuries are not looking the greatest.” Mark said standing up. He dusted off his jeans as he turned toward the door. Jack followed close behind as they entered the house once again. 

Mark headed for the bathroom to retrieve his first aid kit while Jack was left in the kitchen by himself. He could hear Mark digging around as his eyes began to wander the familiar house. It felt like nothing had changed after everything. 

Pictures of the both of them were scattered on the fireplace. He couldn’t believe that Mark had kept them. He walked over into the living room a gently picked up one of the picture frames. His mind went through everything that’s happened to them, and it forced him to remember the things he and Mark had done to each other. 

_ “Come on. Let me out now. I can make him hurt like you’ve been hurting because of him.”  _ Anti’s voice chimed in as Jack moved to sit down on the couch. He was careful not to get his, now drying, blood on the furniture. 

“No. I have done more things to hurt him than he has ever done to me.” Jack was getting tired of fighting this fight. He felt himself wanting to sleep, so he let his eyes close. He just began to think about what was taking Mark so long as Anti spoke up again. 

_ “Oh, so you’re the one that cheated, assumed he was dead, and then refused to help because you were too scared?”  _ Jack tried to push Anti out farther from his mind, but it wasn’t working. If anything, his split personality was getting louder and stronger. _ “No that was all the shit he did to you!” _

Jack felt himself slip from consciousness. He didn’t think he could be this tired, but fighting Anti had taken its toll on him. He hadn’t been sleeping or eating. He heard a soft “ _ yes _ ” as he completely fell asleep. The voice was Anti’s which frightened him, but there was nothing he could do. 

Mark found the first aid kit, but was stopped as he looked at the picture he left on his wall. It was one of the pictures he and Jack had taken for their engagement announcements. The picture was a recreation of Mark’s proposal to Jack with “he said yes!” in big letters at the top of the image. It was extremely cheesy, but it made both of them smile. It felt like such a simpler time as well as a long time ago. 

It was then that Mark realized just how much he needed Jack and missed the way things used to be. He had always felt these things, but his mind told him that it wasn’t a good idea because he was scared. He was willing not to be scared anymore so that he could be with Jack. 

He rushed out to the living room to find Jack lying on the couch with his eyes closed. Mark walked up and gently shook his arm to wake him up. He figured he could get band-aids on the other’s wounds then they both could get some sleep and figure this out in the morning. 

“Jack” slowly opened his eyes, but Mark realized something was off. The irishman’s eyes were a bright green with deep red pupils. It took him a moment to remember what this meant. As soon as he flashed his pointed teeth, Mark realized it was Anti.

“What are you doing here? What do you want now? Are you here to hurt Jack even more than you have?” Mark asked tossing the first aid kit onto the couch next to Anti. He figured he wasn’t going to need it anymore since Anti didn’t seem bothered by the scratches on his arms and legs. 

“Oh you sound too harsh sweetie. Aren’t you glad to see me again?” Mark simply glared harshly. This resulted in a laugh that came from Anti. “And I’m not the one hurting Jack. Do you forget that I was created by him.”

“No. Why would I ever want you to hurt him again? It hurts him every time you take over. You hurt the people he cares about.” Mark was trying to sound tough. He wasn’t going to let Anti know how much he was hurting. “He doesn’t need or want you. I’m not the one who hurt him enough to make you. We need each other.”

“Unfortunately, you and I both know I’m the only thing Jack needs. You have done nothing but hurt him, and I saved his life. You gave up while I was there when he needed me.” Anti’s tone was harsh and bitter as Mark just stared at him in shock. “It doesn’t matter if he ‘wants’ either of us. I have the control, and I plan on doing what’s best for him.”

“Doing this, torturing him, is helping him? Is that really what he needs? You say you know best, but I can’t believe someone who cares about him would do this.” Mark said crossing his arms. His breath was shaky as breathed out.

“What do you think you can do to help him? If you’re so certain I don’t know what he needs and you know what’s best, then tell me what it is he needs.” Anti was now standing and got in Mark’s face as he spoke. “I’m the only one that does care about him because I’m the only one who’s always honest with him.”

Mark didn’t know how to help though. He felt as helpless as Jack did when it came to Anti. He couldn’t believe he had lost Jack to Anti again. Everything seemed so uncertain. His eye twitched as he sniffed back sobs. 

“I’m going to show you that I know what’s best for him. Say goodbye because this is the last time you’ll see him.” And with that Anti walked out the front door. Mark simply blinked in the direction Anti went. Tears slowly ran down his cheek. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first serious fanfiction and I could really use quite a bit of feedback especially as more chapters come out. I would greatly appreciate any reviews and suggestions on how to make this story better. Thank you for reading.


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